I have been stressing about the child care issue for the fall. If you've been hanging around here, you know that I don't much like to have my babies in child care when they're little. I'm all about working with kids arounds--I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. But I'm also O.K. with having them in preschool programs when they're 3 & up. Two if I'm really pressed, and I did actually enroll my Doodle when she was almost a year, though I only kept her in for a day. Because I'm protective, germ-conscious, and not really very trusting. Go figure. So we decided that the fall would be a good time to start Doodle in preschool, and my son's old Montessori school would take Doodle in the 3-year-old class even though she won't be 3 until October, as long as she's potty trained. Well, that has been going pretty well, but it's a long, slow journey with lots of stops along the way. Most recently, after months of increasing success, she has become scared of flushing toilets--first in public bathrooms, then at home. We uncovered an irritation due to bubble bath that probably made things worse. Meanwhile, I have been getting increasingly frustrated--and the baby who has decided that sleeping is overrated is not helping (turns out there are teeth involved, and she probably needs more solids!). I've been feeling a lot of pressure about the potty training thing, in part because of the success-turned-failure aspect, but also because plans for the fall rest on potty training success. That's a lot of pressure to put on a toddler and her parents. Also, let's face it, I'm super-maniacally ambitious for my children, and what I see as realistic goals are not always realistic. *whew* Glad I got that out!! (Yeah, 'cause you didn't know that, right? Literacy-chic? Overambitious? Naaaaah. . .)
Meanwhile, I had two other issues. First: the summer. Because in July I'll be teaching every day. Then: the fact that the Montessori school wouldn't really accommodate my fall teaching schedule. In fact, it would be afternoons only, so it would actually make things worse, since I would literally have to kick the friend who would be watching the two girls out of the house after I taught so that I could bring Doodle to school. Besides that it would destroy nap time and make for a really weird schedule otherwise. All of this for Doodle-free office hours? Not worth it. Then, I've got the person I'll be working closely with in the fall making cracks about not getting involved in my schedule because it's too complicated (perhaps with a touch of disdain--not sure. . .). Yeah, try it from my end!!
I had considered sending her to my parish child development center, but they're the ones that didn't work out before. Too many things to go into, really, but all made me very uneasy. They have a new director now, and my main reservations had to do with the fact that Doodle, who will be 3 years in October, would be in the 2 year class to keep her in line with public schools. Now, I'm not particularly interested in what public schools do. I went to a private school when I was in K-1 so that I could circumvent those rules and start Kindergarten at 4, and I would not hesitate to do so for my children. In fact, I would love to do so for my children! But I don't know if I have to start just yet.
Doodle is a very intelligent child, which is making the toddler years particularly difficult. She resents all constraints on her activities. She is a good child, but stubborn, and spirited. Sensitive, but strong-minded. I was very different when I was a young child, but I can't help but see her as combining some of the more--umm--troublesome characteristics of myself and my husband! And yet she is empathetic and sweet and smart, kind and loving. She doesn't understand punishment. It hurts her feelings and accomplishes nothing. She has the endurance of the most stubborn of martyrs. It's incredible. She doesn't pitch the same kinds of tantrums that other toddlers pitch, she simply does not yield to anyone else's will. So while I think she would be fine in the 3-year-old class for a number of reasons, I'm not sure if she is ready in other respects.
You know, it goes against every fiber of my being to admit that I need a break from my strong-willed child--the one I worry about the most. I remind myself that my brother, whom I helped raise when he was her age--was much more difficult. But I think the fact is, it would be good for both of us for her to start school relatively soon. So I am going to start her in the parish's child development center in their summer program part time, and continue part-time in the fall. Next summer, I plan to be off (if I can distribute my 9-month salary over 12 months) so I can spend that time with my children full-time.
It's funny how a blog makes you confront your beliefs and practices. I am not wholeheartedly in favor of child care, especially for my young children. I don't like the idea that I need a "break" from my children. I am totally not on board with the idea that school can give them things that I can't. Yet there it is. What can school give her that I can't? Playtime. Not much else, but I just can't stand to watch a child outside. I hated it when I was young and I really have to be in the mood now that I'm a parent and obligated. Playgroups don't work for me because I can't sit back and let the kids play. It's not in my nature. Things happen on playgrounds. Don't those parents know that?? There are bugs and fire poles on playground equipment and other people's kids!! Oh, the humanity! But Doodle needs that. And I really need the girls to take naps at the same time so I can recover my sanity.
So my Doodle will be at school 3 days in July. Now, Chiclette is another matter. She's still small and roly and docile, with limited (but ever-increasing) mobility. So she'll get some mommy-only time, and sister can share germs with her when she gets home! *sigh*
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Dollies, revisited
I've heard of it before, but I've never seen it. I'm not sure I entirely believed that children did it. Doodle breastfed her babydoll (named "Baby B. . .") this morning. Very seriously, very discretely, very affectionately, in a "house" (made from my cardboard cutting board) on a bed of pillows. :)
Thursday, May 22, 2008
A New Blog
In my never-ending attempt to trick myself into working, I have created a new blog, Booknotes from Literacy-chic. Since some of what I will be writing on that blog is closely tied to my topics of scholarly research, I have decided not to make it Google-able, but I don't want it to be private, either. So it is listed with Blogger, but not with search engines, and it is completely and freely open to the public. Blogging and professional scholarship can be a tricky issue, but the blog will really represent my thoughts on what I'm reading--not ready-made research ideas, but notes. Here is part of the introductory post:
"Booknotes from Literacy-chic" will (hopefully) be a record of the various books I want to read in the coming weeks, months, even--who knows?--years, as I gather material for future scholarship and teaching. I don't promise reviews; this will be more "thoughts that occur to me" with a wrap-up when I finish the book. But if I'm posting thoughts on the book all along, it might keep me honest--you know, I might actually finish the book lest the blog be disappointed.
More of my "plans" for my first-reads follow. Hope some of you decide to stop by!
"Booknotes from Literacy-chic" will (hopefully) be a record of the various books I want to read in the coming weeks, months, even--who knows?--years, as I gather material for future scholarship and teaching. I don't promise reviews; this will be more "thoughts that occur to me" with a wrap-up when I finish the book. But if I'm posting thoughts on the book all along, it might keep me honest--you know, I might actually finish the book lest the blog be disappointed.
More of my "plans" for my first-reads follow. Hope some of you decide to stop by!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The Politics of Baby Dolls
I was thinking--why is it that little children sleep with baby dolls? Don't they know that sleeping with babies is dangerous? Pillows and covers and parental warmth & such increase the risk of suffocation, and we should take the baby dolls away from the little ones at bedtime so that they learn this important lesson about child care--after all, that's what playing with dollies is all about. Right?
I started thinking about this as my toddler, who has Christened her baby doll "Baby B. . ." (named for her sister), made a playhouse out of my cardboard cutting board and filled it with pillows, then snuggled down with "Baby B. . ." There is a lot of banter out there about children's toys and gender rolls. I didn't withhold baby dolls from my son, he just wasn't interested. And even for Doodle, Buzz Lightyear and Pokemon get equal time with the dollies, not to mention Legos and blocks. Am I an irresponsible academic parent if I admit that the issue doesn't interest me at all? That I played with Barbies and wasn't even remotely traumatized by it? That I want Barbie to have a big bust and small waist like she used to because she looks better that way? (Just don't get me started on Bratz and Disney Princesses--ugh!)
Anyway, I was thinking "Awwww, she must be thinking about how [Chiclette] sleeps with us sometimes!" But well, sleeping with baby dolls is pretty universal, no? It seems to give the same kind of comfort as a stuffed animal, according to the child's preference, regardless of the sleeping arrangements of the child's family, and no one really questions when a child plays with a stuffed animal. So should we accept that an anthropomorphic toy, identifiable with the most vulnerable stage of the species, offers equal comfort to a small child as a cuddly bunny rabbit? There is a case to be made that caring for the dolly is modeled behavior, possibly gendered, maybe socially conditioned--I can talk the talk, you know (also learned behavior). But what about cuddling? Is that learned or instinctual? Yes--the child learns to display affection based on the affection shown to him or her. But beyond that? What about the object that is chosen as suitable for cuddling? (Doodle's preferences change nightly, daily, hourly. . .)
Consider this: Children's preferences for toys to cuddle are impulsive, subject to a myriad of whims, learning opportunities and emotional variations that as adults we have left behind and so can't even begin to understand. Yet, children see the image of a baby as equally cuddly and comforting as, say, a puppy dog. And yet there are adults who would see no contradiction in considering a dog a more fitting, loving, desirable, and comforting companion than a baby. Might we learn something in this area from our children? That while we care for our children, and they depend on us, they are also a source of comfort for us. We hope in and because of them. We feel ourselves to be loved by them, and fulfill ourselves in loving them. The same could be said to apply to moms or dads, if the truth were known.
I'm sure by now everyone is aware of the unfortunate, horrific story out of Austria about the girl who was kept by her father in an underground bunker, repeatedly raped, abused, impregnated. Most of the emphasis has--rightly, I think--been on the inconceivable (to most) evil of the man's actions. But in all of the discussion and coverage, I was amazed at the strength of the woman, to have survived all of the abuse, in the most seemingly hopeless of circumstances. Why did she not give up? Why did she continue to exist? And how did she endure repeated pregnancies stemming from that abuse? Think of the two most oft-cited reasons for permitting abortion: rape and incest. Both present in this case. But we have no evidence that she resented her poor children--trapped in the dungeon-apartment as she was. I am certain that she had to have clung to a faith in God, first of all. But I also feel certain that her children were an unimaginable comfort--that she clung to them instinctively as the only source of love in her dark world.
I started thinking about this as my toddler, who has Christened her baby doll "Baby B. . ." (named for her sister), made a playhouse out of my cardboard cutting board and filled it with pillows, then snuggled down with "Baby B. . ." There is a lot of banter out there about children's toys and gender rolls. I didn't withhold baby dolls from my son, he just wasn't interested. And even for Doodle, Buzz Lightyear and Pokemon get equal time with the dollies, not to mention Legos and blocks. Am I an irresponsible academic parent if I admit that the issue doesn't interest me at all? That I played with Barbies and wasn't even remotely traumatized by it? That I want Barbie to have a big bust and small waist like she used to because she looks better that way? (Just don't get me started on Bratz and Disney Princesses--ugh!)
Anyway, I was thinking "Awwww, she must be thinking about how [Chiclette] sleeps with us sometimes!" But well, sleeping with baby dolls is pretty universal, no? It seems to give the same kind of comfort as a stuffed animal, according to the child's preference, regardless of the sleeping arrangements of the child's family, and no one really questions when a child plays with a stuffed animal. So should we accept that an anthropomorphic toy, identifiable with the most vulnerable stage of the species, offers equal comfort to a small child as a cuddly bunny rabbit? There is a case to be made that caring for the dolly is modeled behavior, possibly gendered, maybe socially conditioned--I can talk the talk, you know (also learned behavior). But what about cuddling? Is that learned or instinctual? Yes--the child learns to display affection based on the affection shown to him or her. But beyond that? What about the object that is chosen as suitable for cuddling? (Doodle's preferences change nightly, daily, hourly. . .)
Consider this: Children's preferences for toys to cuddle are impulsive, subject to a myriad of whims, learning opportunities and emotional variations that as adults we have left behind and so can't even begin to understand. Yet, children see the image of a baby as equally cuddly and comforting as, say, a puppy dog. And yet there are adults who would see no contradiction in considering a dog a more fitting, loving, desirable, and comforting companion than a baby. Might we learn something in this area from our children? That while we care for our children, and they depend on us, they are also a source of comfort for us. We hope in and because of them. We feel ourselves to be loved by them, and fulfill ourselves in loving them. The same could be said to apply to moms or dads, if the truth were known.
I'm sure by now everyone is aware of the unfortunate, horrific story out of Austria about the girl who was kept by her father in an underground bunker, repeatedly raped, abused, impregnated. Most of the emphasis has--rightly, I think--been on the inconceivable (to most) evil of the man's actions. But in all of the discussion and coverage, I was amazed at the strength of the woman, to have survived all of the abuse, in the most seemingly hopeless of circumstances. Why did she not give up? Why did she continue to exist? And how did she endure repeated pregnancies stemming from that abuse? Think of the two most oft-cited reasons for permitting abortion: rape and incest. Both present in this case. But we have no evidence that she resented her poor children--trapped in the dungeon-apartment as she was. I am certain that she had to have clung to a faith in God, first of all. But I also feel certain that her children were an unimaginable comfort--that she clung to them instinctively as the only source of love in her dark world.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
When the Babies Decide LIfe is Too Boring. . .
--The infant hits the 6 month mark and wants to nurse every 45 minutes one day after only nursing 4 or 5 times the previous few days. . .
--The baby who slept through the night since she was WEEKS old decides to compete with the toddler who has almost ALWAYS joined Momma & Daddy by crying and wanting to nurse 2 or 3 times a night(!). . .
--The toddler, who was potty training admirably and treated every store as the potential locale for an exciting adventure to the bathroom has decided that her bottom can never touch a commercial toilet again--and arches her back and cries to support this theory (having just asked to use the bathroom). . .
*sigh*
--The baby who slept through the night since she was WEEKS old decides to compete with the toddler who has almost ALWAYS joined Momma & Daddy by crying and wanting to nurse 2 or 3 times a night(!). . .
--The toddler, who was potty training admirably and treated every store as the potential locale for an exciting adventure to the bathroom has decided that her bottom can never touch a commercial toilet again--and arches her back and cries to support this theory (having just asked to use the bathroom). . .
*sigh*
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Another Pro-Life Post
"The greatest act of evil was the murder of the second person of the Blessed Trinity. But this greatest act of evil wad turned to the greatest good."--Fr. Tom Euteneuer, president of Human Life International, in a homily on EWTN on the feast of St. Isadore, about the importance of the Cross to Christianity
It's been haunting me lately. It's always all around us--the problem, the "issue" of abortion. I want it to Go. Away. I'm weary, weary, weary of thinking about it. Worrying about it. Visualizing it. Being sad. Being emotionally involved with it. And this is not to say that I want to stop worrying, because it's obvious--I have choice when it comes to my own emotions. Clearly I could choose to stop worrying about it and being emotionally caught up in the wrong--wrong--wrong rhetoric in favor of abortion, but to do so would be to go against all of my moral principles. I used to feel as though the issue was very much removed from me. After all, I knew that I would never, no matter the circumstances, choose to have an abortion. And what others did, well, that was subject to their own beliefs, right? I think in part I did not realize that abortion was so hugely important to some people. I was appalled by the news of anti-abortion activists committing murder. I wasn't sure that something that was a moral question could be enforced by law. I didn't think that I should be paying for what was obviously someone else's immoral choice, but I just didn't see that it impacted me otherwise. I have always felt that abortion was an act of desperation, and so didn't want to judge women who were in such a horrible state that they would consider what must seem like a grievous evil to anyone, right? I'm not so sure anymore that abortion is always considered regrettable, unless the testimonies I have heard are not genuine, but to say that someone might be misled in their choices, not capable of making the choice, misrepresenting their feelings about the choice, etc., etc., is implying all sorts of bad things about the individuals involved. So, believing their own testimony, I have come to see that abortion can indeed be a very casual choice to some. And this saddens me. It was a gradual conversion of the heart to move from "always regrettable, but. . ." to "always regrettable and shouldn't happen--ever."
Someone who is tired, tired, tired of being emotionally involved in pro-choice/pro-abortion arguments (and I don't think the two are necessarily the same, as I was not "pro-abortion" when I considered myself "pro-choice by default"--though they frequently are, as in my examples below) has no business being on the internet. At all. And 'lest anyone get their knickers in a bunch, I don't (unfortunately) see the "right" to abortion being taken away, or a certain court interpretation being overturned. I think anything we can do must be done culturally rather than politically. Save not supporting politically those who believe that abortion is an inalienable right. 'Cause it's not. Even "choice" is a better term than "right," though I suppose it comes to the same thing, inevitably. But I am on the internet, too often for my own good. And I stumble across and into things that hurt and upset me.
Last week, for example, I was first discovering the new blog I've been mentioning, Stuff Christians Like. I took a look at a post about being honest in pre-marital counseling about one's past sins. It kind of throws into sharp relief the beauty of Catholicism's teaching about sexuality. Like, ummm, what part of "never outside of marriage" did you not understand? Meanwhile, poor Protestants find themselves able to stumble around and make their own theological justifications for this or that sexual encounter. Not all do, but it is something that can happen. And as many of the comments on the post imply, that causes hurt--to more than oneself. My first impression of the post about confessing one's past sins to one's spouse was, "Hey! This is exactly how Catholics feel about Confession! Cool! This is an opportunity to explain the concept to some who might misunderstand--as I did when I was not Catholic!" Well, that part of my comment was never addressed, and the comments devolved into a discussion of the evils of abstinence-only education and, finally, an overt pro-choice/pro-abortion statement, which I answered only by saying (in a nutshell), "No, not all Christians think that abortion should be permitted in cases of rape and incest," "Some arguments can't be won, but we could at least try to listen to one another," and "Where there is Life, there is Hope." Although I was restrained, I am always the most disturbed by so-called Christian justifications of abortion. In this case, the commenter who led the thread astray said, "My God has a plan and a will and it's bigger than doctors and lawyers and scary teachers waiting to seduce your children into satans arms (or whatever)."
Well, I put off addressing this until my daughter turned on the TV this morning, which was on EWTN and happened to be in the middle of the homily quoted above. And well, doesn't that say it all? The fact that God can turn an evil act to his own purpose and make of it the greatest possible good does not make the initial act any less evil. Free will and God's omniscience play into this, too: While God knows what choices we will make, He does not endorse our wrong choices, and we are free to make them--just as we are ultimately free to reject Him, though He desires our love. I was reminded of Tolkien's discussion of the great song of the Valar with Illuvatar in the beginning of time, in which the Valar were co-creators, along with Illuvatar of what would be Middle Earth, without realizing the significance of the song they were helping to create. Melkor would try to introduce discordant melodies, but each time, Illuvatar would weave the discord into ever greater and more beautiful melodies. God does not endorse evil; rather, He supersedes it and sanctifies it by His Grace and what wonders he works after, out of, and upon it.
Case two that I wish to mention is Sitemeter. I would be much better if I would just remove it from my sidebar. You see, many, many people find my site while doing Google searches relating to being pregnant in Grad School. That, as I see it, is likely a good thing. But they also find the Berkeley Parenting Network. Most often, they find the thread relating to terminating a pregnancy because one is in grad school. They find advice like the following:
"Safe, legal, and rare"? I think not!
I debated about quoting these. However, they are on a public forum, searchable through Google. I will not post a link. I also think it is a crime that this is the second or third hit that someone gets when searching for information about pregnancy in grad school--depending on the search terms entered. So while I realize that I am offending the sensibilities of some, I feel the need to offer some contradiction to these sentiments.
What tore me apart were the mothers who have 2 children--or any children, really--who have chosen to kill a child because of the other children. Not wanting the second to be a "middle" child? My God! What if I had felt this way??? I struggled with these concerns, too. Not wanting her to be jealous, resentful, etc. But when abortion is not a "choice" that's even on the radar, you have to accept the situation and work within it! And what about the other children, those children whose welfare was the determining factor in the elimination of their sibling(s)? Their families have been deprived of the moments when they show their tender affection to their siblings, loving , learning and playing with and alongside them, yes. But I wonder about something else. . .
When a pro-choice mother teaches her child about abortion as a valid choice, does she share her own experience? And what does her child think? Does s/he think that could have been me? Glad I was the one Mommy wanted? Am I the reason I don't have a younger sibling? I have wondered about this for some time. Unless the fact is hidden from the children, which is probably preferable. But one can't hide something and pretend it's no big deal, even to oneself. Admittedly, not everyone thinks it's no big deal to have or to have had an abortion. But some do. And they shouldn't.
I think I need comments off for this one. I had to get that off of my chest so I could stop composing it in my head, but I don't need to be checking back obsessively. In fact, I might take a blogging holiday and edit my dissertation. Or read a book. See you in a week or so.
It's been haunting me lately. It's always all around us--the problem, the "issue" of abortion. I want it to Go. Away. I'm weary, weary, weary of thinking about it. Worrying about it. Visualizing it. Being sad. Being emotionally involved with it. And this is not to say that I want to stop worrying, because it's obvious--I have choice when it comes to my own emotions. Clearly I could choose to stop worrying about it and being emotionally caught up in the wrong--wrong--wrong rhetoric in favor of abortion, but to do so would be to go against all of my moral principles. I used to feel as though the issue was very much removed from me. After all, I knew that I would never, no matter the circumstances, choose to have an abortion. And what others did, well, that was subject to their own beliefs, right? I think in part I did not realize that abortion was so hugely important to some people. I was appalled by the news of anti-abortion activists committing murder. I wasn't sure that something that was a moral question could be enforced by law. I didn't think that I should be paying for what was obviously someone else's immoral choice, but I just didn't see that it impacted me otherwise. I have always felt that abortion was an act of desperation, and so didn't want to judge women who were in such a horrible state that they would consider what must seem like a grievous evil to anyone, right? I'm not so sure anymore that abortion is always considered regrettable, unless the testimonies I have heard are not genuine, but to say that someone might be misled in their choices, not capable of making the choice, misrepresenting their feelings about the choice, etc., etc., is implying all sorts of bad things about the individuals involved. So, believing their own testimony, I have come to see that abortion can indeed be a very casual choice to some. And this saddens me. It was a gradual conversion of the heart to move from "always regrettable, but. . ." to "always regrettable and shouldn't happen--ever."
Someone who is tired, tired, tired of being emotionally involved in pro-choice/pro-abortion arguments (and I don't think the two are necessarily the same, as I was not "pro-abortion" when I considered myself "pro-choice by default"--though they frequently are, as in my examples below) has no business being on the internet. At all. And 'lest anyone get their knickers in a bunch, I don't (unfortunately) see the "right" to abortion being taken away, or a certain court interpretation being overturned. I think anything we can do must be done culturally rather than politically. Save not supporting politically those who believe that abortion is an inalienable right. 'Cause it's not. Even "choice" is a better term than "right," though I suppose it comes to the same thing, inevitably. But I am on the internet, too often for my own good. And I stumble across and into things that hurt and upset me.
Last week, for example, I was first discovering the new blog I've been mentioning, Stuff Christians Like. I took a look at a post about being honest in pre-marital counseling about one's past sins. It kind of throws into sharp relief the beauty of Catholicism's teaching about sexuality. Like, ummm, what part of "never outside of marriage" did you not understand? Meanwhile, poor Protestants find themselves able to stumble around and make their own theological justifications for this or that sexual encounter. Not all do, but it is something that can happen. And as many of the comments on the post imply, that causes hurt--to more than oneself. My first impression of the post about confessing one's past sins to one's spouse was, "Hey! This is exactly how Catholics feel about Confession! Cool! This is an opportunity to explain the concept to some who might misunderstand--as I did when I was not Catholic!" Well, that part of my comment was never addressed, and the comments devolved into a discussion of the evils of abstinence-only education and, finally, an overt pro-choice/pro-abortion statement, which I answered only by saying (in a nutshell), "No, not all Christians think that abortion should be permitted in cases of rape and incest," "Some arguments can't be won, but we could at least try to listen to one another," and "Where there is Life, there is Hope." Although I was restrained, I am always the most disturbed by so-called Christian justifications of abortion. In this case, the commenter who led the thread astray said, "My God has a plan and a will and it's bigger than doctors and lawyers and scary teachers waiting to seduce your children into satans arms (or whatever)."
Well, I put off addressing this until my daughter turned on the TV this morning, which was on EWTN and happened to be in the middle of the homily quoted above. And well, doesn't that say it all? The fact that God can turn an evil act to his own purpose and make of it the greatest possible good does not make the initial act any less evil. Free will and God's omniscience play into this, too: While God knows what choices we will make, He does not endorse our wrong choices, and we are free to make them--just as we are ultimately free to reject Him, though He desires our love. I was reminded of Tolkien's discussion of the great song of the Valar with Illuvatar in the beginning of time, in which the Valar were co-creators, along with Illuvatar of what would be Middle Earth, without realizing the significance of the song they were helping to create. Melkor would try to introduce discordant melodies, but each time, Illuvatar would weave the discord into ever greater and more beautiful melodies. God does not endorse evil; rather, He supersedes it and sanctifies it by His Grace and what wonders he works after, out of, and upon it.
Case two that I wish to mention is Sitemeter. I would be much better if I would just remove it from my sidebar. You see, many, many people find my site while doing Google searches relating to being pregnant in Grad School. That, as I see it, is likely a good thing. But they also find the Berkeley Parenting Network. Most often, they find the thread relating to terminating a pregnancy because one is in grad school. They find advice like the following:
- Remember, though, that you made that choice because you're a responsible parent who wanted to make sure your two existing children received the attention and support they're entitled to, as well as ease any blows to the marriage from the stress of the an additional pregnancy and new baby. I had the same experience. Two wonderful little children and I got pregnant with a 3rd. At the time, my second was a terror---- tempermental to the max. It was very demanding, emotionally. I didn't want #2 to become an ignored, middle child and make my future life more miserable, due to lack of attention from child #3. I chose abortion.
- Just because everyone else is having 3 kids doesn't mean you have to, too. There seems to be a bit of peer pressure/keeping up with the Joneses to have 3 kids. Pro-choice isn't just for non-marrieds
- I had an abortion earlier this year-- totally the right decision for our family (we decided long ago to only have one)
- I'm not in your situation but I felt that I needed to respond because I remember that aching. I have always wanted children. I got pregnant when I was 20 and felt very connected to that child. I new it would be a girl, I knew what she would look like. I was in a stupid relationship and really felt that I had no option but to terminate the pregnancy. I am now in my 30s with a wonderful toddler.
- I commend you in taking consideration all the consequences of bringing another into your family. I beleive it is a wholeheartedly selfless act on your part to want to maintain the preservation of your household and family by not adding to it. Bringing a child into this world should always warrant such consideration--everyone should want their children to be raised in optimal conditions
"Safe, legal, and rare"? I think not!
I debated about quoting these. However, they are on a public forum, searchable through Google. I will not post a link. I also think it is a crime that this is the second or third hit that someone gets when searching for information about pregnancy in grad school--depending on the search terms entered. So while I realize that I am offending the sensibilities of some, I feel the need to offer some contradiction to these sentiments.
What tore me apart were the mothers who have 2 children--or any children, really--who have chosen to kill a child because of the other children. Not wanting the second to be a "middle" child? My God! What if I had felt this way??? I struggled with these concerns, too. Not wanting her to be jealous, resentful, etc. But when abortion is not a "choice" that's even on the radar, you have to accept the situation and work within it! And what about the other children, those children whose welfare was the determining factor in the elimination of their sibling(s)? Their families have been deprived of the moments when they show their tender affection to their siblings, loving , learning and playing with and alongside them, yes. But I wonder about something else. . .
When a pro-choice mother teaches her child about abortion as a valid choice, does she share her own experience? And what does her child think? Does s/he think that could have been me? Glad I was the one Mommy wanted? Am I the reason I don't have a younger sibling? I have wondered about this for some time. Unless the fact is hidden from the children, which is probably preferable. But one can't hide something and pretend it's no big deal, even to oneself. Admittedly, not everyone thinks it's no big deal to have or to have had an abortion. But some do. And they shouldn't.
I think I need comments off for this one. I had to get that off of my chest so I could stop composing it in my head, but I don't need to be checking back obsessively. In fact, I might take a blogging holiday and edit my dissertation. Or read a book. See you in a week or so.
My Kids are Night People
I was poking around the Stuff Christians Like blog and read a post about taking a trip to Narnia. Sounds innocent enough. I have a bit of a history with Narnia myself, including my sole scholarly publication to date (which, apparently, was reprinted recently). But I was struck by the following:
I'd probably get stuck in the wardrobe next to a baby. It'd be crying and wiping its nose on all the fur coats that are in there. I'd want to say what I am always tempted to exclaim when I see a family in Venice with an infant strapped to their stomach like a deer on a roof rack, "Look, this baby could be going to Wal-Mart for all it knows. Why bring it Narnia?"
The implication seemed to be to leave the kids at home because they wouldn't appreciate being taken anywhere anyway--particularly someplace with aesthetic, historical, or adult appeal. (Except that, well, this is Narnia, and not Venice. . .) Predictably, I took issue with this:
Ummm... Can I just say... OUCH!! Uh, shoulda left the baby with grandma?
I don't mean to be harsh, but is it because the baby won't get anything out of it (aside from being with its parents, that is) or that it will ruin someone else's enjoyment? Though I feel certain that C. S. Lewis would have shared this view of infants. Tolkien, not so much...
The blog author clarified:
I guess it's more of a statement about whenever parents drag kids places. Like to the movies at midnight or to barnes and noble at ten PM. I guess I am overly sensitive to when I see some kid that can't form a sentence crying because it's four hours passed his bedtime and the parents are essentially like, "Calm down kid. Yes we decided to have a baby but that shouldn't really impact our lives." I was trying, poorly I might add, to make a statement about treating kids like accessories.
I'm totally on board with this, but believe that children can be very portable, if the parents respect their needs, schedules, temperaments, etc. I also said that my children tend go to bed after 10, just by way of saying that that's not always an irresponsible parenting move. I didn't mean to start the thread that followed:
1)Our kids (4 and 2) go to bed at 7. I get home from work at 4:30 so we're still able to get some kid time in. It's the only way my wife and I can get a few hours together too. But different folks have found their own way to do it for certain. I'm by no means the parent police.
2)Jon, Your children probably go to bed about the same time as my daughter does. This is only frowned upon because in London, England your 7pm is probably our 11pm. But it is nice to know that when I'm getting my angel to sleep you are doing the same! lol
3) (my favorite) I was out shopping the other night at 9pm and there were kids all throughout the store melting down. My kids were tucked away in bed with daddy at home. I assumed it was the product of single parents trying to make life work in an imperfect situation.
Parents are opinionated. We know that. And too often any decision that is different from one's own is frowned upon, which is not so bad as when a statement of one's own parenting choices or style is taken as an implicit critique of the way others do things. So not to critique, because putting kids to bed early is easily the norm, and I totally understand the justification for doing so (spending time with one's spouse, or oneself!), I've gotta say that my babies have started out night people and have pretty much maintained that trend unchecked by me. Which means that they are less cranky at 11 P.M. than they are around nap time. I've always felt that it was just a natural part of nursing on demand to let them take naps and go to bed on their own schedules. And my babies seemed to adjust to my schedule of waking and sleeping while in utero, and after they were born, they seemed to go to bed around the time I did while pregnant (and do normally)--between 11 P.M. and 1 A.M. This is when Chiclette currently goes to sleep, though the past few nights she has seemed to want to go to bed for the night earlier--about 10 or 10:30. If I put her to sleep any earlier, she thinks it's a nap and wakes up in an hour or two. The other issue--even with Doodle--is that if I want them to sleep to 8 or (even better) 9 A.M., I need to put them to bed later rather than earlier. Now, bedtime gets earlier as they get older and less dependent on nursing frequently (as Chiclette's schedule indicates), but even my oldest has never really gone to bed earlier than 10 P.M. This means that "us" time is generally "all of us" time--at least, unless the babies go to bed closer to 11 than to 1. (Doodle is almost always in bed by midnight.) But it's pretty much always been like that. And it's never hurt our relationship. There are advantages to having children early--children feel like less of an intrusion when they've been a natural part of the family from the beginning. When do I get things done? Whenever. Whenever I'm not procrastinating. You pretty much learn how to do things when you can! I'm a very "play it by ear" kind of parent (my mom's phrase). I don't do fixed schedules. At least, not fixed schedules that we predetermine without letting them evolve naturally. And yet, my children don't seem to suffer from lack of structure. There are boundaries. I do wonder sometimes if we're the only crazy parents whose children don't go to bed between 7:30 and 9. I went to bed at 8:30 or 9 when I was young, but not all of my siblings had to do that. It is possible that Doodle and Chiclette will go to bed closer to 9 by the time they are in Kindergarten. Who knows? But even if we are the only crazy parents who do it like this, I'm okay with being crazy. I'm a total weirdo. I know it.
But really, isn't this kind of flexibility necessary for "ecological" or "on demand" breastfeeding? And you can't really be draconian with an infant or toddler if you let them set the schedule from the beginning, can you?
I'd probably get stuck in the wardrobe next to a baby. It'd be crying and wiping its nose on all the fur coats that are in there. I'd want to say what I am always tempted to exclaim when I see a family in Venice with an infant strapped to their stomach like a deer on a roof rack, "Look, this baby could be going to Wal-Mart for all it knows. Why bring it Narnia?"
The implication seemed to be to leave the kids at home because they wouldn't appreciate being taken anywhere anyway--particularly someplace with aesthetic, historical, or adult appeal. (Except that, well, this is Narnia, and not Venice. . .) Predictably, I took issue with this:
Ummm... Can I just say... OUCH!! Uh, shoulda left the baby with grandma?
I don't mean to be harsh, but is it because the baby won't get anything out of it (aside from being with its parents, that is) or that it will ruin someone else's enjoyment? Though I feel certain that C. S. Lewis would have shared this view of infants. Tolkien, not so much...
The blog author clarified:
I guess it's more of a statement about whenever parents drag kids places. Like to the movies at midnight or to barnes and noble at ten PM. I guess I am overly sensitive to when I see some kid that can't form a sentence crying because it's four hours passed his bedtime and the parents are essentially like, "Calm down kid. Yes we decided to have a baby but that shouldn't really impact our lives." I was trying, poorly I might add, to make a statement about treating kids like accessories.
I'm totally on board with this, but believe that children can be very portable, if the parents respect their needs, schedules, temperaments, etc. I also said that my children tend go to bed after 10, just by way of saying that that's not always an irresponsible parenting move. I didn't mean to start the thread that followed:
1)Our kids (4 and 2) go to bed at 7. I get home from work at 4:30 so we're still able to get some kid time in. It's the only way my wife and I can get a few hours together too. But different folks have found their own way to do it for certain. I'm by no means the parent police.
2)Jon, Your children probably go to bed about the same time as my daughter does. This is only frowned upon because in London, England your 7pm is probably our 11pm. But it is nice to know that when I'm getting my angel to sleep you are doing the same! lol
3) (my favorite) I was out shopping the other night at 9pm and there were kids all throughout the store melting down. My kids were tucked away in bed with daddy at home. I assumed it was the product of single parents trying to make life work in an imperfect situation.
Parents are opinionated. We know that. And too often any decision that is different from one's own is frowned upon, which is not so bad as when a statement of one's own parenting choices or style is taken as an implicit critique of the way others do things. So not to critique, because putting kids to bed early is easily the norm, and I totally understand the justification for doing so (spending time with one's spouse, or oneself!), I've gotta say that my babies have started out night people and have pretty much maintained that trend unchecked by me. Which means that they are less cranky at 11 P.M. than they are around nap time. I've always felt that it was just a natural part of nursing on demand to let them take naps and go to bed on their own schedules. And my babies seemed to adjust to my schedule of waking and sleeping while in utero, and after they were born, they seemed to go to bed around the time I did while pregnant (and do normally)--between 11 P.M. and 1 A.M. This is when Chiclette currently goes to sleep, though the past few nights she has seemed to want to go to bed for the night earlier--about 10 or 10:30. If I put her to sleep any earlier, she thinks it's a nap and wakes up in an hour or two. The other issue--even with Doodle--is that if I want them to sleep to 8 or (even better) 9 A.M., I need to put them to bed later rather than earlier. Now, bedtime gets earlier as they get older and less dependent on nursing frequently (as Chiclette's schedule indicates), but even my oldest has never really gone to bed earlier than 10 P.M. This means that "us" time is generally "all of us" time--at least, unless the babies go to bed closer to 11 than to 1. (Doodle is almost always in bed by midnight.) But it's pretty much always been like that. And it's never hurt our relationship. There are advantages to having children early--children feel like less of an intrusion when they've been a natural part of the family from the beginning. When do I get things done? Whenever. Whenever I'm not procrastinating. You pretty much learn how to do things when you can! I'm a very "play it by ear" kind of parent (my mom's phrase). I don't do fixed schedules. At least, not fixed schedules that we predetermine without letting them evolve naturally. And yet, my children don't seem to suffer from lack of structure. There are boundaries. I do wonder sometimes if we're the only crazy parents whose children don't go to bed between 7:30 and 9. I went to bed at 8:30 or 9 when I was young, but not all of my siblings had to do that. It is possible that Doodle and Chiclette will go to bed closer to 9 by the time they are in Kindergarten. Who knows? But even if we are the only crazy parents who do it like this, I'm okay with being crazy. I'm a total weirdo. I know it.
But really, isn't this kind of flexibility necessary for "ecological" or "on demand" breastfeeding? And you can't really be draconian with an infant or toddler if you let them set the schedule from the beginning, can you?
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Problem with Sola Scriptura?
Is apparently the neverending attempt to make the Bible "accessible," since everyone's got to read & interpret it for him or herself. That's not to say that everyone should not read/interpret it for him or herself, but that the accessibility issue--not to mention the making Jesus hip and fun issue--can be problematic, like when meanings are represented are unambiguous, but are essentially someone else's unambiguous interpretations (read mediation) masquerading as the real thing. Personally, I don't think a footnote is out of line, especially one that explains the translator's rationale. And having an orthodox interpretation is comforting--it eliminates the "anything goes" of Bible reading/study. On the whole, though I like this site. It's a tongue-in-cheek guide to quirky Protestantisms--written by a quirky Protestant. It's nice to see these guys laughing at themselves. It makes me laugh rather than criticize (well, mostly), and that might just help promote mutual understanding.
P.S.--I found Stuff Christians Like through a link from great Catholic blogging endeavor--Stuff Catholics Like. Check it out! It's a group effort by some of your favorite Catholic bloggers!
P.S.--I found Stuff Christians Like through a link from great Catholic blogging endeavor--Stuff Catholics Like. Check it out! It's a group effort by some of your favorite Catholic bloggers!
Catholic Carnival 172
The Catholic Carnival is a collection of posts from various Catholic bloggers arranged by a host blogger. You probably know this, but it took me a while to figure it out, so I thought I'd give a definition! Sarah introduced me to the concept, and because she so often solicits submissions and gets excited about the results! So I submitted my mommy-reflections from a while back. And it was a super-colossal Catholic Carnival this week, hosted by the Organ-ic Chemist, with 26 submissions! (Mine is down near the bottom. . . Apparently, I was the third person to submit! Go figure. . .) Here is what the Organ-ic Chemist has to say:
Naturally, there was a wide variety of different topics, but there were some definite themes: Pentecost, Mother's Day, First Communion, Confirmation, book and movie reviews ... you name it, it's in there.
It's been a busy season liturgically speaking, with holidays sprinkled about, too! So go, read, enjoy! :)
Naturally, there was a wide variety of different topics, but there were some definite themes: Pentecost, Mother's Day, First Communion, Confirmation, book and movie reviews ... you name it, it's in there.
It's been a busy season liturgically speaking, with holidays sprinkled about, too! So go, read, enjoy! :)
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Happy Mother's Day!--Updated
To all Moms!
My post yesterday was brief; I stayed away from the computer for the most part. I had a very pleasant day. I woke up for Mass and my husband was making biscuits. R.E. is finished for the year, so my son doesn't have to get up early & go before Mass, so he was happy to sleep in. I had some coffee & got ready myself, and we weren't even late!! During Mass, Doodle was quieter and more patient that usual. I think her behavior is getting better as she is able to communicate bette--perhaps she's past the toddler learning curve of frustration with the discrepancies between what she wants to do/say and what she is able to do/say. Today she told her sister, "Oh baby, I love you." That was a first! She's never said that to anyone!
I always enjoy Pentacost. Confirmation was a very exciting part of the Sacraments of Initiation for me. There were so many things that I didn't really understand before I was Catholic--the Holy Spirit was one. So it was a special treat that Mother's Day fell on Pentacost Sunday this year. The readings were wonderful and the homily was very good, too. However, it had to do with the deacon's grandmother, in part, and her sewing. She collected every fabric scrap she encountered in a pillow case, which to her was something unified, with every bit as important as every other bit, though to Deacon "Fred", they were just scraps. Eventually she made a quilt from the scraps, and the unity and importance of the pieces was apparent to him, as it had always been to her. A nice, and unusual, metaphor for the Church. Of course, I have been sewing. And because I have been sewing, my mind was playing with the scrap-bag quilt idea, thinking about what scraps I have, wondering how all of her scraps could have looked nice together in a quilt, wishing I could see the quilt, wondering what kind of a quilt it was, remembering my aunt and grandmother each making a rag rug. Yeah, I was distracted. That's the problem with interesting homilies sometimes. My mind had been wandering a bit anyway. You see, our pastor had requested that everyone wear red to celebrate Pentacost, but we really didn't have any red clothing that was Mass-appropriate. Then, Chiclette needed to nurse at the beginning of Mass. So I was thinking about my purple nursing cover: Hmmm. . . Purple. Lent & Advent. Too bad it's not red! Hey! I should make a nursing cover for each liturgical season! But not of satiny fabric. No, it wouldn't breathe and would get too dirty. I should market these on a Catholic web site! Or maybe eBay. Naaaah. I could just make them for myself. Maybe I could make them reversible. But I couldn't pair red and green. No, too Christmas-y. So red could be with purple, green with white, yadda yadda yadda. This punctuated by hard blinks and reorientation of my attention to what was actually going on. And yet, I was paying attention. Really! I promise!! And all of this started before the homily about scraps & quilts. *sigh* It was a very nice Mass, and a very good homily about one's gifts and talents, and the different gifts each of us are given.
Afterwards, we avoided the "fancy restaurants," which we tend to do on big "eating out" days--Valentine's, for example. Instead, we went to our favorite pizza buffet, which was quite satisfying! We bopped around Bed, Bath and Beyond and bought a couple of fun things. Then, we came home, put the girls down for naps, and my husband stared preparing the grill to cook a pork loin that he had marinated the night before with his own version of Jamaican Jerk seasoning--a favorite of mine. Yum! My son played video games and I cut out a pattern to make myself a pair of shorts and a jacket. Saturday I had finished a top for myself that was actually a "trial" of sorts, but wearable. So I am gaining confidence in my ability to sew clothing. Most of my previous projects for myself have been very limited successes. Or failures. Smme have definitely been failures. The pork took a long time to cook, but at the end of the cooking, I boiled some red potatoes, made a sauce from the marinade, and steamed some veggies in the microwave. Everything was delicious!!
My family gave me a case for sewing supplies for Mother's Day, which was nice. It was just one of those days when everything is pleasant, which is a gift in itself!
My mom's day was not so good. She has been having some health problems that the doctors aren't willing to treat, really. So by the evening, when I was planning to call her, she wasn't feeling good enough to talk. And she didn't get the chance to visit her mother, either. Hopefully she is better today, and will be able to visit my grandmother soon. One brother, two sisters and I sent her a box of goodies that she should get tomorrow or Wednesday, including the newest (PBS) version of Sense and Sensibility, which I know she will love. I have not seen it yet, but Jay says it's good! So I know that some time during the week she will have a happy surprise.
All the best to all of you who are mothers, who will be or want to be mothers, and to all of your mothers, too! :)
My post yesterday was brief; I stayed away from the computer for the most part. I had a very pleasant day. I woke up for Mass and my husband was making biscuits. R.E. is finished for the year, so my son doesn't have to get up early & go before Mass, so he was happy to sleep in. I had some coffee & got ready myself, and we weren't even late!! During Mass, Doodle was quieter and more patient that usual. I think her behavior is getting better as she is able to communicate bette--perhaps she's past the toddler learning curve of frustration with the discrepancies between what she wants to do/say and what she is able to do/say. Today she told her sister, "Oh baby, I love you." That was a first! She's never said that to anyone!
I always enjoy Pentacost. Confirmation was a very exciting part of the Sacraments of Initiation for me. There were so many things that I didn't really understand before I was Catholic--the Holy Spirit was one. So it was a special treat that Mother's Day fell on Pentacost Sunday this year. The readings were wonderful and the homily was very good, too. However, it had to do with the deacon's grandmother, in part, and her sewing. She collected every fabric scrap she encountered in a pillow case, which to her was something unified, with every bit as important as every other bit, though to Deacon "Fred", they were just scraps. Eventually she made a quilt from the scraps, and the unity and importance of the pieces was apparent to him, as it had always been to her. A nice, and unusual, metaphor for the Church. Of course, I have been sewing. And because I have been sewing, my mind was playing with the scrap-bag quilt idea, thinking about what scraps I have, wondering how all of her scraps could have looked nice together in a quilt, wishing I could see the quilt, wondering what kind of a quilt it was, remembering my aunt and grandmother each making a rag rug. Yeah, I was distracted. That's the problem with interesting homilies sometimes. My mind had been wandering a bit anyway. You see, our pastor had requested that everyone wear red to celebrate Pentacost, but we really didn't have any red clothing that was Mass-appropriate. Then, Chiclette needed to nurse at the beginning of Mass. So I was thinking about my purple nursing cover: Hmmm. . . Purple. Lent & Advent. Too bad it's not red! Hey! I should make a nursing cover for each liturgical season! But not of satiny fabric. No, it wouldn't breathe and would get too dirty. I should market these on a Catholic web site! Or maybe eBay. Naaaah. I could just make them for myself. Maybe I could make them reversible. But I couldn't pair red and green. No, too Christmas-y. So red could be with purple, green with white, yadda yadda yadda. This punctuated by hard blinks and reorientation of my attention to what was actually going on. And yet, I was paying attention. Really! I promise!! And all of this started before the homily about scraps & quilts. *sigh* It was a very nice Mass, and a very good homily about one's gifts and talents, and the different gifts each of us are given.
Afterwards, we avoided the "fancy restaurants," which we tend to do on big "eating out" days--Valentine's, for example. Instead, we went to our favorite pizza buffet, which was quite satisfying! We bopped around Bed, Bath and Beyond and bought a couple of fun things. Then, we came home, put the girls down for naps, and my husband stared preparing the grill to cook a pork loin that he had marinated the night before with his own version of Jamaican Jerk seasoning--a favorite of mine. Yum! My son played video games and I cut out a pattern to make myself a pair of shorts and a jacket. Saturday I had finished a top for myself that was actually a "trial" of sorts, but wearable. So I am gaining confidence in my ability to sew clothing. Most of my previous projects for myself have been very limited successes. Or failures. Smme have definitely been failures. The pork took a long time to cook, but at the end of the cooking, I boiled some red potatoes, made a sauce from the marinade, and steamed some veggies in the microwave. Everything was delicious!!
My family gave me a case for sewing supplies for Mother's Day, which was nice. It was just one of those days when everything is pleasant, which is a gift in itself!
My mom's day was not so good. She has been having some health problems that the doctors aren't willing to treat, really. So by the evening, when I was planning to call her, she wasn't feeling good enough to talk. And she didn't get the chance to visit her mother, either. Hopefully she is better today, and will be able to visit my grandmother soon. One brother, two sisters and I sent her a box of goodies that she should get tomorrow or Wednesday, including the newest (PBS) version of Sense and Sensibility, which I know she will love. I have not seen it yet, but Jay says it's good! So I know that some time during the week she will have a happy surprise.
All the best to all of you who are mothers, who will be or want to be mothers, and to all of your mothers, too! :)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Thoughts on a Nursing Home Visit. . .
I just spoke to my mother, who is gearing up for a visit to my grandmother, who has been in a care facility for probably a year and a half now. She had been having some problems with slipping in and out of consciousness in the sense that she was technically conscious, but unaware of her actions and surroundings. She had recurring UTIs that worsened whatever was wrong in the first place, which doctors have yet to pinpoint--which doctors have stopped trying to pinpoint. They tell her children that "Mama is old." My aunts and uncle have come to believe that a radiation treatment on her eyes is to blame. I saw her during Hurricane Katrina, when I was 7 months pregnant with Doodle, and she was strong--sad, but strong. I saw her when Doodle was 6 months, and have pictures of her holding my older daughter--her second great-grandchild. She was having some hip problems, but was very much herself--though lonely, and sad. Praying her rosary on her porch when we drove up; she had thought that we wouldn't make it to see her before heading back to Texas, but I felt very strongly that she needed to see Doodle. The last time I saw her, I was very newly pregnant with Chiclette. She had been in the home for months by that point, but was in the ER after a fall and another UTI was discovered. After weeks of not seeming to recognize anyone, she was aware that we were coming to visit, and asked about us. She faded out once or twice while we were there, but for the most part, she was herself, only weak and sad. Not too weak to banter with the physical therapy people and give them a difficult time, and aware enough to express her humiliation and the pain it caused her. She asked my son about school, tried to get a shy Doodle to talk to her. On my way out, I told her that I was pregnant. She was so pleased & surprised. I wasn't used to the idea myself, but I thought it would be good to leave her with some hopeful news--something to look forward to. Returning home, I agonized about her care, which, I understood, was not too good. Her 6 surviving children (of 7) visit her daily, as they can. None of them know about me calling the nursing home to make sure she was taken the Eucharist regularly. It seemed like the only thing I could do. The woman I spoke to understood my concern, and knew what I meant when I said that I doubted that it would seem a priority to any of her family who were there. She had been taken out of Mass one day by one of my aunts, who was indignant that she had been in Mass in the first place. This did not surprise me, and it may have been that she should not have been out of her room. After all, they did not heed the sign that said that my grandmother was a "fall risk," and they let her fall, which was the immediate cause of her hospitalization the last time I saw her. . .
I have heard very little since then. I understand that she has varying levels of awareness from day to day, week to week, hour to hour. Very soon after I had my Chiclette (a week or two), someone printed a picture of me with both girls on my lap rocking them to sleep and brought it for her to see. She was aware enough to tell them to tell me that I was doing a good job. It wasn't just postpartum hormones that brought tears to my eyes. Since then, I have fished a bit to see if she was aware of the pictures I sent at Christmas, but no one will say. My mom will be taking new pictures of us to her tomorrow. My mom wants to print them out in poster size. I wish my grandmother could see my Chiclette in person. I want her to be aware. I pray for her to be aware. But when I asked about it, my mom remarked that she eats well sometimes, and has better days and worse days, but that my aunt thinks that her responses are automatic--that my grandmother has memorized what the correct responses are to certain questions and comments. Basically, that there is no consciousness or self awareness behind the responses at all. And how does she know this exactly? Is there anything to this assumption besides weariness and loss of hope from someone who has been bearing the weight of her mother's illness for going on two years now? Might there be some comfort in thinking that her mother is not aware of the bad things if she's not aware of the good? I see this as very dangerous thinking. The family has criticized my grandmother's doctor for waiting for her to die. Well, that's the feeling I get from this doubting of her awareness. And I am more apprehensive since I have no idea that there is any religious belief at all left in my extended family. I know that one aunt's MySpace page indicates that she considers herself agnostic. When I see "atheist" or "agnostic" listed on the profile of someone I care about, I feel a little spasm inside. My aunts & uncle fell away from Catholicism decades ago, though I'm sure there is an element of Christianity remaining for all of them in some corner of their consciousness. But then, I considered myself Christian for many years while embracing the notion that as long as I was "true to myself" (whatever that means) and vaguely ethical, I would be O.K. with God since he must be too busy to worry about me, right? That Christian-flavored-agnosticism made any manner of things O.K. And, well, I'm concerned with the implications of this line of thought for my grandmother. Christian-flavored-agnosticism does not view dignity of life issues in the way I have come to view them through Catholicism. Because really, that worldview is one without hope. And when you have no hope for the next life, one's comfort and awareness in this life is of ultimate value. If that is gone, then one's life is invalid.
I believe that my grandmother is conscious and aware on some level. I hope for her to be able to express this awareness. I pray for her patience and endurance and comfort. I would like, above all things, for the pictures of my family to allow her self to be manifest to those around her, so that they will know that she is still who she has always been.
I have heard very little since then. I understand that she has varying levels of awareness from day to day, week to week, hour to hour. Very soon after I had my Chiclette (a week or two), someone printed a picture of me with both girls on my lap rocking them to sleep and brought it for her to see. She was aware enough to tell them to tell me that I was doing a good job. It wasn't just postpartum hormones that brought tears to my eyes. Since then, I have fished a bit to see if she was aware of the pictures I sent at Christmas, but no one will say. My mom will be taking new pictures of us to her tomorrow. My mom wants to print them out in poster size. I wish my grandmother could see my Chiclette in person. I want her to be aware. I pray for her to be aware. But when I asked about it, my mom remarked that she eats well sometimes, and has better days and worse days, but that my aunt thinks that her responses are automatic--that my grandmother has memorized what the correct responses are to certain questions and comments. Basically, that there is no consciousness or self awareness behind the responses at all. And how does she know this exactly? Is there anything to this assumption besides weariness and loss of hope from someone who has been bearing the weight of her mother's illness for going on two years now? Might there be some comfort in thinking that her mother is not aware of the bad things if she's not aware of the good? I see this as very dangerous thinking. The family has criticized my grandmother's doctor for waiting for her to die. Well, that's the feeling I get from this doubting of her awareness. And I am more apprehensive since I have no idea that there is any religious belief at all left in my extended family. I know that one aunt's MySpace page indicates that she considers herself agnostic. When I see "atheist" or "agnostic" listed on the profile of someone I care about, I feel a little spasm inside. My aunts & uncle fell away from Catholicism decades ago, though I'm sure there is an element of Christianity remaining for all of them in some corner of their consciousness. But then, I considered myself Christian for many years while embracing the notion that as long as I was "true to myself" (whatever that means) and vaguely ethical, I would be O.K. with God since he must be too busy to worry about me, right? That Christian-flavored-agnosticism made any manner of things O.K. And, well, I'm concerned with the implications of this line of thought for my grandmother. Christian-flavored-agnosticism does not view dignity of life issues in the way I have come to view them through Catholicism. Because really, that worldview is one without hope. And when you have no hope for the next life, one's comfort and awareness in this life is of ultimate value. If that is gone, then one's life is invalid.
I believe that my grandmother is conscious and aware on some level. I hope for her to be able to express this awareness. I pray for her patience and endurance and comfort. I would like, above all things, for the pictures of my family to allow her self to be manifest to those around her, so that they will know that she is still who she has always been.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Not a Baby Anymore. . .
This evening we were taken out for dinner by my brother, who proposed that we go to Olive Garden, as he had never been, then unexpectedly treated us all! We were seated at a round table--four of us in chairs, one high chair, and one "sling" to hold a baby carseat/carrier--in what felt to me like the middle of the way. As we had had an unusual amount of attention paid to us by other patrons one of the last times we were there, I was hoping for a more out-of-the way place, and even asked the hostess pointedly if this wasn't rather a high traffic area. She didn't bite. So we got settled--Doodle and Chiclette placed together for some odd reason. We had been sitting for a little while when a party of two elderly couples passed by to be seated. I heard a grandmotherly Texas drawl say, "Hang on a minute. I want to check out this little one!" (Chiclette was closest to the side on which they passed.) So she stooped to look at Chiclette and murmured some words about how cute she was while my husband & I smiled obligingly. Looking across the table, I caught sight of Doodle's face. Now she is a prettier-than-average toddler, though I say this with not a little maternal bias. She is frequently admired alongside Chiclette--if not before Chiclette!--when people trouble to admire either of them at all. So there was my pretty Doodle, looking at her sister, and looking at the woman, with a little shy smile and shining, smiling eyes. The woman made a parting remark to me about the baby being beautiful, then turned and walked away. Doodle's expectant eyes seemed to question, and then darken as her little spirit was let down after expecting a friendly word to be turned to her. I know it's a little thing, really. I don't want her to expect always to receive attention, by any means. But it was sad to see this realization in her sweet face--that she was not noticed. At all. A small hurt--but not small compared to her stature and her experience of the world. And it broke my heart. Then the breadsticks came.
If I did this Challenge. . .
. . . And I'm not saying I will. . .
Chris, bookworm extrordinaire, is always getting tangled in this web of book challenges over at his blog, Stuff As Dreams are Made On. It's a neat concept, much more attractive to me than the "community reading projects" you hear about from time to time--or the Oprah's Book Club kind of thing. For one thing, you don't get the impression that the people who start challenges have any hidden agenda other than to get other people to read what they want/like to read. In my discipline we get so caught up in balancing how much of what type of work and which kind of author and what social, political or intellectual currents, the whom-you-can't-leave-outs and the whom-you-should-really-includes according to this or that view go onto our various reading lists, from syllabi to prelim lists to works in papers and articles we write, etc., that I'm not sure we even know what it means to simply enjoy a work of literature anymore. Of course, this is a sweeping generalization, and so not entirely true, but you know what I mean. So I find this reading-blogging sub-culture is really cool. I want to get sucked into this level of enthusiasm. So Chris is currently doing one challenge (among many) that encourages people to read 10 books from a list of 1001 "must reads," thus making themselves 1% more well read. Certainly a noble cause. I could benefit from something like this, I think. So I perused the list. Many titles--er, most titles--are pretty unknown to me. And the ones I chose, I confess, are largely on my to read list anyway. And I'm not sure I can really do something like this--too many other things going on. But if I were to choose, and if cheating were permitted (that is, choosing with an eye to the "useful" or "things I planned to read anyway"), I would choose the following:
1) The Hours – Michael Cunningham
2) Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
3) The Name of the Rose – Umberto Eco
4) If On a Winter’s Night a Traveler – Italo Calvino
5) A Passage to India – E.M. Forster
6) Jacob’s Room – Virginia Woolf
7) Ulysses – James Joyce
8) Tono-Bungay – H.G. Wells
9) Ficciones – Jorge Luis Borges
10) The Book of Laughter and Forgetting – Milan Kundera
Only the last one is a complete unknown to me. Sounds intriguing, though. I want to keep my eye on these book challenges--and get motivated & excited & stuff!--and I actually signed up for real for a different challenge that I'm behind on, so I'll talk more about that soon! I've got an idea for a Lenten book challenge for next year--Catholic must-reads of various types: choose one book of apologetics, one of fiction, one encyclical. . . you get the idea! If you have suggestions, let me know!
Chris, bookworm extrordinaire, is always getting tangled in this web of book challenges over at his blog, Stuff As Dreams are Made On. It's a neat concept, much more attractive to me than the "community reading projects" you hear about from time to time--or the Oprah's Book Club kind of thing. For one thing, you don't get the impression that the people who start challenges have any hidden agenda other than to get other people to read what they want/like to read. In my discipline we get so caught up in balancing how much of what type of work and which kind of author and what social, political or intellectual currents, the whom-you-can't-leave-outs and the whom-you-should-really-includes according to this or that view go onto our various reading lists, from syllabi to prelim lists to works in papers and articles we write, etc., that I'm not sure we even know what it means to simply enjoy a work of literature anymore. Of course, this is a sweeping generalization, and so not entirely true, but you know what I mean. So I find this reading-blogging sub-culture is really cool. I want to get sucked into this level of enthusiasm. So Chris is currently doing one challenge (among many) that encourages people to read 10 books from a list of 1001 "must reads," thus making themselves 1% more well read. Certainly a noble cause. I could benefit from something like this, I think. So I perused the list. Many titles--er, most titles--are pretty unknown to me. And the ones I chose, I confess, are largely on my to read list anyway. And I'm not sure I can really do something like this--too many other things going on. But if I were to choose, and if cheating were permitted (that is, choosing with an eye to the "useful" or "things I planned to read anyway"), I would choose the following:
1) The Hours – Michael Cunningham
2) Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
3) The Name of the Rose – Umberto Eco
4) If On a Winter’s Night a Traveler – Italo Calvino
5) A Passage to India – E.M. Forster
6) Jacob’s Room – Virginia Woolf
7) Ulysses – James Joyce
8) Tono-Bungay – H.G. Wells
9) Ficciones – Jorge Luis Borges
10) The Book of Laughter and Forgetting – Milan Kundera
Only the last one is a complete unknown to me. Sounds intriguing, though. I want to keep my eye on these book challenges--and get motivated & excited & stuff!--and I actually signed up for real for a different challenge that I'm behind on, so I'll talk more about that soon! I've got an idea for a Lenten book challenge for next year--Catholic must-reads of various types: choose one book of apologetics, one of fiction, one encyclical. . . you get the idea! If you have suggestions, let me know!
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
New "About Me"
Thought I'd share my new self-description. The old one was getting stale...
Read it "Literacy chick" or "Literacy chic": I am a newly-minted-Ph.D.-packin' Orthodox Catholic Momma who reads sometimes, writes a lot, and thinks too much! My literary scholarship focuses on literacy: Does literacy affect consciousness? More importantly, do writers think that literacy affects consciousness? I love my husband and proudly wear his name (off-blog); I do my best to live the Catholic faith into which I was Baptized & Confirmed in October 2004. I am a Catholic academic, seeking what that means in my life. I believe that where there is life there is hope, and uphold Life on those grounds (and others). I think academics can afford to share many values with SAHMs, and I keep my children around whenever possible. I hold and express unapologetically many opinions of varying popularity, but what's a blog for, after all?
Sounds accurate, right? ;)
Read it "Literacy chick" or "Literacy chic": I am a newly-minted-Ph.D.-packin' Orthodox Catholic Momma who reads sometimes, writes a lot, and thinks too much! My literary scholarship focuses on literacy: Does literacy affect consciousness? More importantly, do writers think that literacy affects consciousness? I love my husband and proudly wear his name (off-blog); I do my best to live the Catholic faith into which I was Baptized & Confirmed in October 2004. I am a Catholic academic, seeking what that means in my life. I believe that where there is life there is hope, and uphold Life on those grounds (and others). I think academics can afford to share many values with SAHMs, and I keep my children around whenever possible. I hold and express unapologetically many opinions of varying popularity, but what's a blog for, after all?
Sounds accurate, right? ;)
Monday, May 5, 2008
Dr. Literacy-Chic
You can still call me Literacy-chic, though! ;)
The defense was a short, friendly conversation--only an hour! I have some good suggestions for converting it to a book and many nice things were said. Now I have some serious sweets hanging around!
Immediate plans: Hit local restaurant where 2 of my siblings work for some celebratory dessert & wine--maybe an appetizer. I want a margarita, but I'm not sure about that level of alcohol while breastfeeding. . . My brother's the bartender, though, so we'll see what I might be able to work out! Maybe something 1/2 strength. :)
I feel happy, but most of the relief was after the draft was done. That was the BIG work. Now, I'm just feeling motivated for the future, which is a big thing for me!!
Thank you all so much for all of your thoughts & prayers! I appreciate having such supportive blog-friends!
The defense was a short, friendly conversation--only an hour! I have some good suggestions for converting it to a book and many nice things were said. Now I have some serious sweets hanging around!
Immediate plans: Hit local restaurant where 2 of my siblings work for some celebratory dessert & wine--maybe an appetizer. I want a margarita, but I'm not sure about that level of alcohol while breastfeeding. . . My brother's the bartender, though, so we'll see what I might be able to work out! Maybe something 1/2 strength. :)
I feel happy, but most of the relief was after the draft was done. That was the BIG work. Now, I'm just feeling motivated for the future, which is a big thing for me!!
Thank you all so much for all of your thoughts & prayers! I appreciate having such supportive blog-friends!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Discovering my comfort foods. . .
I watch Food Network a lot. A Lot! One thing they like to talk about is so-called "comfort food"--usually mac 'n cheese, ice cream, chicken soup, spaghetti. I've wondered sometimes at the rationale for the designation, though ice cream is a given. Chicken soup = illness, so that too. When I think of favorite homey dishes that evoke family, I come up with chicken fricassee, dirty rice, seafood gumbo. Not thing that are easy to turn to for comfort, since I don't make them like my grandmother did. (My dirty rice isn't bad--and no, it's not like the stuff you get at Cajun restaurants!)
So finally, reality hit, and I've been trying to look over some articles, look over the dissertation, print the dissertation in all of its tree-killing immensity (that's the epithet). . . But things were a little crazy at home, and with all of the beginning-of-the-month, only-paid-once-a-month grocery shopping that we have done recently, we still needed some things. So I made a list and sent my husband to the store with the kiddos (but at the last minute the little one needed me). I looked over the list, and behold: comfort foods!
--ingredients for a 7-layer bean dip: beans, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, tomatoes, pico de gallo, salsa, tortilla chips
--cookies
--doughnuts
--frozen cooked shrimp with cocktail sauce (an appetizer of sorts for me!)
Even the things that I put on the list because we "needed" them are comfort foods for me:
--frozen cheese tortelloni (which we had for dinner with butter)
--frozen portabello mushroom raviolis (the store brand is scrumptious! and only $2.09! what a great supper! :) )
--frozen vegetables: broccoli, broccoli & cauliflower, peas (great with the cheese tortelloni for supper!)
The bean dip was too labor-intensive, but will be consumed in the near future! :)
So. . . Any favorite "real" comfort foods? Things not usually considered? (Pregnancy cravings aren't quite the same. They vary with pregnancy and usually don't last in my experience. But they're an interesting subject unto themselves!)
And for tomorrow: Water. Just water. 'Cause all that talking will make us thirsty! Thanks for all the supportive words!
So finally, reality hit, and I've been trying to look over some articles, look over the dissertation, print the dissertation in all of its tree-killing immensity (that's the epithet). . . But things were a little crazy at home, and with all of the beginning-of-the-month, only-paid-once-a-month grocery shopping that we have done recently, we still needed some things. So I made a list and sent my husband to the store with the kiddos (but at the last minute the little one needed me). I looked over the list, and behold: comfort foods!
--ingredients for a 7-layer bean dip: beans, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, tomatoes, pico de gallo, salsa, tortilla chips
--cookies
--doughnuts
--frozen cooked shrimp with cocktail sauce (an appetizer of sorts for me!)
Even the things that I put on the list because we "needed" them are comfort foods for me:
--frozen cheese tortelloni (which we had for dinner with butter)
--frozen portabello mushroom raviolis (the store brand is scrumptious! and only $2.09! what a great supper! :) )
--frozen vegetables: broccoli, broccoli & cauliflower, peas (great with the cheese tortelloni for supper!)
The bean dip was too labor-intensive, but will be consumed in the near future! :)
So. . . Any favorite "real" comfort foods? Things not usually considered? (Pregnancy cravings aren't quite the same. They vary with pregnancy and usually don't last in my experience. But they're an interesting subject unto themselves!)
And for tomorrow: Water. Just water. 'Cause all that talking will make us thirsty! Thanks for all the supportive words!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Dissertation Defense Protocol
If I have not already communicated the fact that I can be an awfully socially awkward person in certain contexts, let me do so now. I dread the odd social gathering at someone's house, unless I know most of the people who are going to be there, and even then, it can be cause for some anxiety. We're talking non-academic, even. So this is not just the pressure of networking. Oh no. It's not being able to answer a query from a person I don't know that runs like this, "Hey, you know that cake you brought? Are we going to eat it or what? Can I cut it since you're busy breastfeeding?" with an honest, "I was waiting until everyone--namely me--was finished eating, and I'd prefer to cut it, but thank you for your offer!" instead of muttering a weak, "okay" and then brooding about it for the rest of the party. . .er. . . weekend. It's deciding not to go to the shower at all because two were scheduled for the same day and you RSVP'd to the one given for the person you knew well, but not as well. I take comfort in my committee chair's admission that there are times that he has entered a home for a gathering and proceeded straight through and right out the back door. That's so me. So what am I worried about with the upcoming dissertation defense? Refreshments. Yup, you read that correctly. Because I heard waaay back--and again today--that the defendee (person on the hot seat) usually brings snacks or breakfast or something in hopes that the committee members are too charmed by the offering--or too afraid of crumbs escaping their mouths--to ask any difficult questions. Or as a courtesy, maybe. That was all vague. Anyway, it's been months since I've had any meaningful face-to-face interaction with my committee chair department head, and while I have asked a couple of times in meaningful ways what is expected of me, he simply will not say "some koolaid and a tray of brownies." So I'm in agonies over which snack would be too childish, the politics of pastries, what about the vegetarian (and what are his reasons for being vegetarian--do they preclude icing?), would it seem like a bribe--and a weak one at that, is it rude to come empty handed? (Except for the dissertation--there is that. . .) And that is my primary source of anxiety. What snack (if any) to bring, and how my choice of snack reflects on me. Literacy-chic, you are an idiot.
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