. . .And so little time!
Blogging is likely to be limited in August. I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed knowing that the baby is coming in 13--that is, THIRTEEN--weeks, that the fall semester starts on August 27th--only 3 weeks away--that my son starts school on the same day the semester starts, that once the semester actually starts, I will have NO TIME AT ALL for baby preparations.
Monday I start childbirth classes. There are many worries associated with that. I have wanted a natural childbirth both times so far, adn both times I was optimistic. Unfortunately, both times I have had my water break (or leak) with no contractions, and had to have pitocin, which effectively eliminates the "natural" part. It is my opinion that to have pitocin (at least at the levels at which it was administered to me) necessitates the epidural. So my fear is, what if my contractions come naturally and they are just as bad as the pitocin and I've been fooling myself that the reason I couldn't handle the pain was because of the pitocin? There are plenty of reasons to think that the assumption that the reason I couldn't handle the pain was because of the pitocin is correct, but in the wise words of the nurse midwife (whom I decided not to continue to see for appointments), "Labor hurts." Gee, thanks. I thought all of that pain management stuff was just for fun. And after all, I've never done this before. But she felt the need to tell me that her labors were CERTAINLY as bad as a labor with pitocin. That's what you get from a midwife who is former military.
I've been trying to get a lot of things done that I "saved" for after the move and the summer semester. I made myself a baby sling (the type with rings). Yesterday, I finished a nursing top that was modified from a regular McCalls pattern--not sure how it will work; I may still need to adjust some things. I am working on a combination purse/diaper bag to coordinate with the sling, but the pattern is disappointing and I have to modify it to make it what I really want it to be. And there are more projects I would like to complete before the semester starts: a nursing "twinset," two nursing dresses, a dress for my toddler to coordinate with the twinset, a play quilt for the new baby, a maternity top I started ages ago but couldn't finish because I didn't have enough fabric (misleading directions). Sewing--especially modifying projects--takes a lot of mental effort. And when I get started on a project I'm excited about, it pretty much consumes me. Even when I'm not actually working on the project, it preys on my mind--thinking about the pattern directions, wondering the best way to accomplish any modifications I have in mind. . . It can really be absorbing!
Then, there are the other things I need to do: I need to register my son for school, procure a cello for him for the fall, figure out why financial aid hasn't posted my loan, finalize my syllabus, set up my course site on Moodle (once the darned administrator sets up the course for me) and oh yeah! finish a chapter on D. H. Lawrence. Whoopee!! Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm drinking more and more caffeine every day. At some moment--sometimes multiple moments--every day, I have to face this choice: drink caffeine to try to stay awake & get things done, or nap. Sometimes the nap wins, but not often.
Best not to think about it too much, though. The hormones kick in, and it's downhill from there! The dissertation is going O.K. these days. Steady. Not really satisfying work, but it seems that that's what "middles" look like--the inspiring part is over, and you just need to continue to plod through & make your case. I find plodding rather difficult. Oh well!
I guess we'll call this early nesting. I know I won't have time for it later, but such is life!
12 comments:
Here's my comforting thought for you. Labor doesn't always hurt, and because you haven't labored naturally yet, you don't know that it *won't* be bearable. I labored 34 hours with Gui (it was a homebirth, obviously) and with the exception of the pushing at the end (the words 'ring of fire' come to mind) it wasn't ever what I would call painful. Uncomfortable, the way a backache keeps you uncomfortable. Hard work, especially during transition. But never painful.
My midwives told me (afterwards) that I was a real trooper for not ever complaining. But really, what use would complaining have done? I was just focused on what my body was doing and getting through one moment into the next one.
Here's hoping (and praying) your last trimester goes smoothly and your labor is easy and uncomplicated!
Thanks, Kate. That is VERY comforting. As for the "ring of fire," I experienced that one with my daughter, even with the epidural!! (It was a really good epidural--not too strong, and probably wearing off by that point.) So I feel pretty good about the pushing part--I know I can do that! ;)
For the record, pitocin IS unbearable. I feel like, if they start talking pitocin, I might as well give up. 30 minutes of pitocin contractions is PURE HELL. Pushing is a picnic by comparison.
Speaking from experience, Pitocin is WORSE than regular contractions. Pitocin is supposed to mimic the same hormone or whatever that triggers contractions but the problem is it's not as efficient as your own body (imagine!). Pitocin makes ALL of the muscles contract at once...the muscles that help hold the baby in as well as the ones that push the baby out. Your body is working against itself to some degree which is partly why it hurts so dang bad.
First off, too many doctors are too eager to 'get on with it' or 'get it over with' that they prescribe Pit. when it's not necessary. It might even be good if you had an advocate with you (your husband if you think he'd be willing to speak up) or a doula, though doulas can be expensive. Be confident and tell the nurses/doctors what you plan on and don't beat yourself up if you feel like you need the epidural. My best birth experience was with a midwife but I delivered at the hospital and she was part of the women's clinic that I was going to. Finally, they don't give out prizes for toughing-it-out or for taking the 'easy way'--you know, as if. The best thing you can do is be comfortable with your decisions and it helps to tell someone what you are expecting before you get there...again, from experience, I was never in the mood to argue or negotiate in the middle of labor.
I love talking about birthin' babies and I have a friend who is a doula so I've talked about it A LOT! :) Remember you don't HAVE to have pitocin (you can AMA on anything). Sometimes if you just say, hey I'd like to try walking around or can we wait a while longer (plead with a nurse, sometimes they have pull) they'll usually let you try on your own, if you're adamant.
Ok, usually I just let it go but I really wish it would let us edit comments. I should have read it twice! Hope it's coherent enough to get my point across!
With my daughter, I was pretty in charge. I knew more what to do. I coerced that LD nurse into letting me go as long as possible without--that is, as long as the hospital preferred, or whatever it is that they hold you to. I walked, I bounced on a ball, I did everything in my power for 8 hours. I had some contractions, but every time I stopped bouncing they stopped too. Unfortunately, that takes a lot of effort, too! So first, I expend all my energy trying to make contractions happen. Then, I KNOW the nurse was getting revenge and put my on a higher-than-necessary dose once my "time" was up. After all, head 'em up, move 'em out. And she had to get me back for making her do things my way. But even if the contractions had started after 8 hours, I don't know if I would have had the energy to deal with them. I don't know what I'll do this time if faced with the same scenario. Maybe beg for the lowest possible dose? Or say, yeah, sure, but have the anesthesiologist here FIRST. I don't think I have the confidence this time to try to make them start if they haven't before the water breaks. I'm just praying for contractions first. After that, I'll go with the flow! ;)
Darn, I was hoping to win the prize. They don't even give me the diaper bag with the teddy bear because I breastfeed. That's discrimination, I tell you!!
Keep the comments coming, please! This helps! Thanks Entropy!
My doctor concurred that labor with pitocin does intensify contractions so your midwife was wrong there. Try to relax as much as you can; you've done this twice before. I know you'll come through beautifully. I'll be praying for you too.
-C
I know that pitocin increases intensity. The question is, by how much? If administered incorrectly or to a person who is sensitive to it, serious problems can result. (I'll spare anyone who doesn't want to hear the gory details.) So yes, I was dealing with military midwife machismo or something (even though she's female). And in the hospital, when the pitocin took me from zero to SCREAMING in less than 15 minutes, the LD nurse tried to say, "You see? This is your body doing it! The pitocin couldn't have kicked in yet!" The medical community wants to perpetuate this idea that pitocin is not unnecessarily strong, and it plants doubts, even if I know better. (She was also covering up the fact that she gave me too much too soon, as I figured out in retrospect and after talking to the midwife, who actually did give some good info along the way.)
I am curious about how--and for how long--I can decline the pitocin, and when to say "o.k." for the good of the baby, which is generally why I give in. I also didn't know I could go against "hospital policy" and decline the pitocin for longer than they "allow." The problem is, second-guessing medical personnel in such a sensitive situation is uncomfortable at best. I also wonder what the point is of holding out, though, if after 8 hours or more of trying to start contractions nothing is happening. *shrug*
I am starting to feel better about handling the pain. I guess what I was feeling was, "If the unmedicated contractions are even a fraction of the pitocin contractions, will I be able to do this?" But it sounds like they are not only much more intense, they are qualitatively different. That's good to know.
Okay, I don't want to come across as a punk, but labor DOES hurt.
I've had three natural births (so, no pitocin) and "uncomfortable" is not the word that comes to mind. Fortunately it gets shorter each time, but it seems to me that the contractions get longer and more intense with each successive baby. I read Bradley's book when I was pregnant with my second and thought he was a total and complete crock. Pushing out a baby feels like having an orgasm? I WISH.
I've had two births, and they both were like this....water breaking, no contractions to speak of...you are welcome to email me if you want the whole torid stories...lol. But anyway, the first one was pitocin induced and very nearly a c-section for failure to progress, the second one I decided to have a homebirth to avoid the whole pitocin thing. They were both very long labors...the homebirth one longer than the first one. But the pitocin induced one was much more difficult. With natural labor, there is a progression of difficulty...it did get difficult, it did hurt, but the vast, vast majority of the labor it did not. Also, with Pitocin, you are tethered to the bed. At least I was. With my natural one, I was sitting up eating scrambled eggs and watching MASH reruns for a good chunk of my labor. :) Things did get painful, but it was in the last stage of labor. Before then it was quite manageable! Whereas with the Pitocin the contractions were strong the whole time. Anyway, God love ya!, I hope all goes great for you!
Sure. I expect labor to hurt somewhat. But most experts agree that pitocin deliver contractions that are much more intense than those the body is capable of producing on its own. So this nurse midwife may have gone from 2 cm to 8 in 1/2 hour, or whatever it was she said, but that's not really any excuse to belittle my experience with pitocin! So no, I don't think you a "punk" Mrs. D. I've heard the "didn't really hurt" version before, but most people do agree that there is pain involved. The others are tough or lucky, I guess! As for Bradley's orgasm thing, I have met one person (and read others in magazines & stuff) who seems to have some inclination of what he meant by that, or seemed to have experienced something similar. I agree with you, though--I'm deeply skeptical.
Also, with Pitocin, you are tethered to the bed.
Yup. This is one of those common complaints against hospital births in general, but really--where are you going to go in that lovely thinner-than-paper smock-thingie they make you wear? ;) I tended to be the anomaly walking around the darn halls while the women in the rooms happily watched TV or slept off their epidurals. :P
Unfortunately, the home birth thing is not for me. I don't want to look at my own clutter while I'm in labor; I don't want to have to clean up afterward; I don't want my children (or other random people) around... I keep thinking about this. Everyone says that the key is to be where you will be comfortable. I know hospitals have their limitations as far as comfort goes, but so does home. I may be "comfortable" here in certain situations, but in others, comfort is not so much a matter of being where you're used to being, surrounded by your things, but being in a place that seems more appropriate to the needs of the moment (psychological, mostly).
I think this feeling might be different if my home was is actually my own, that I had chosen to live in deliberately, not "settled" on because of other considerations!
I think I would like the birthing center atmosphere. Alas! Not an option.
No, we don't have a birthing center either...too bad, it would have probably been our first choice too. For what it's worth though, you don't have to clean up afterwards. The midwives do. :)
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