Working is like Exercise for Me

I came to this conclusion yesterday, at the end of the long weekend, after an unexpected holiday on Friday for the hurricane that went away east. Because for 3 weeks I've been pretty well into the swing of things, managing to get the course prep done, grading a reasonable number of things, and enjoying the classroom dynamic. Admittedly, I'm getting worn down a bit from always being on the go. I have classes to teach 5 days a week, just like in the summer, except that in the summer I gave them Fridays off, and it was only 1 class, not 2. Having 2 classes makes it easy in a way--I don't have to come up with material for one class to fill 5 days' worth of discussion/lectures/activities. On the other hand, when I'm finished with teaching one course, it's time to turn around and work on the next one for the next day. This would be more of a pain if I was less familiar with the material. Although I am teaching from a new syllabus for composition, I have taught composition a hundred times. So I have activities ready-made that I can slip in as necessary. Also, there is a set of ready-made lesson plans to go along with the standard syllabus, though I have problems with some of the examples used, which introduce bias into the discussion in a way that has potential to be used well or poorly. Teaching children's lit similarly requires less prep than it did over the summer, though the classroom dynamic--35 students instead of 10--is vastly different and does not lend itself to the same kinds of activities. Many of my students come from education, and have a very different way of thinking about children's literature, so I have to steer them almost constantly away from the, "This is a good book because it can work well in a classroom in this way. . ." and try to induce them to think about it as literature, not as a prop for teaching. Also, spending the same number of class periods on a topic, but having those class periods spread over 2-3 weeks instead of concentrated in a single week gives everyone the feeling of going nowhere fast. And it's getting depressing. So I'm looking forward to moving on to poetry. But I'm feeling a little discouraged all the same.

So how is working like exercise? Well, when I'm in the middle of it, in the "swing of things," so to speak, I feel pretty excited & good about what I'm doing. It energizes me. After a good class, I'm on a kind of "high." I talk about the class for hours. My husband gets sick of hearing about it! ;) But when I'm away from it, even for a long weekend, especially if I have unexpectedly "gotten out of" teaching for one day, it feels impossible to get back into it. The same thing happens to me with exercise. The same thing happens to me with research and writing. It's why the dissertation seemed to drag--I spent more time dreading the work than actually working on it. Even blogging is like this for me--if I've missed checking on blogs for a number of days, it feels like a huge task to get back into them, even though I know I enjoy it!!

I know this is not the case with exercise, though it can be time consuming, but one of the things that research, teaching, and blogging share is a huge commitment of mental energy. Answering emails is the same. I know, quite often, that if I let myself get started with a blog or an email, I will keep going until it's done, expending a great deal of mental energy and becoming engrossed for hours at a time sometimes. So sometimes, I prefer not to start. Research and writing are similar--the mental effort is considerable, the time commitment is significant, and there doesn't ever seem to be an ideal time to start. Truthfully, sewing is the same for me. When I start a project, I want to know that I can finish the project in a reasonable amount of time--a few days, usually. And that means from cutting out the fabric to pressing the finished item. If I leave something just slightly unfinished, I hate to go back to it. Doodle has a jumper without loops to hold the loose ends of the shoulder straps, and a dress that needs a hook-and-eye above the zipper to look "finished"--minor details, and not very time consuming, but if I haven't gotten the details finished with the rest of the garment, I don't want to go back. I would rather start something new. And if I put a project aside earlier--watch out!! I have to force myself, trick myself, reward myself with the prospect of starting the thing I really want to work on--or it never gets done.

Looking over this, it seems like I have a strange combination of procrastination, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and perfectionism--the kind of crippling perfectionism that leads one to avoid starting the project for fear of being engrossed in details. I never completed an incomplete because I couldn't find the "perfect" topic to write about. I had set pretty high standards with another paper for the same professor, and didn't want to fall short. So I couldn't do it. The mental block was huge. I think I stopped writing poetry because I stopped thinking that my ideas were poem-worthy--I rather got out of that way of seeing the world.

I got over this to a degree with the dissertation. Remember Dori from Finding Nemo? She sang, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. . ." Eventually, I just had to force myself to keep writing, reminding myself that my mediocre writing was usually sufficient for the job I was trying to get done. Teaching has its built-in motivation, thank goodness. The students will keep coming, the semester continues to progress. I can't just stop and dread what needs to be done. Then there will be good days, and I will think, "How is it that I dreaded this so much?" I will go the library to do my archival research and return home excited by all of the ideas that I have had while reading and try to hold on to that enthusiasm until the next week. It's about rhythm, really. It's about routine. Like exercise. But I never can stick with it, somehow. . .

As a 1930s Wife, I'm. . .

49 As a 1930s wife, I am Average Take the test!

I'm surprised I did this well, actually. . . In this area, I aspire to "average"! Heck, I aspire to "barely passable" in some of these categories!!

The test felt biased as I was taking it, as if it were trying to make some kind of feminist point while being cute. But really, I'm not so sure it isn't sort of accurate. At any rate, I can't complain. What do you think (all of you)? How did you score? There's a test for husbands, too, incidently. . .

A More Accurate Personality Test

Courtesy of Sarah at Just Another Day of Catholic Pondering, who also recently called me a nice person! Thank you, Sarah. I'm not sure how to reconcile these, though. . . ;)

Your Score: Oscar the Grouch

You scored 37% Organization, 73% abstract, and 37% extroverted!

This test measured 3 variables.

First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean.

Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type.

Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself.

You are more sloppy, more abstract, and more introverted.

Here is why are you Oscar the Grouch.

You are both sloppy. You might not always know where everything you need is. Perhaps you don't even care. You don't live in a trash can though.


You both can be abstract thinkers. Oscar's vision of life is very dreamy in an unusual way. His greatest pleasure is being unhappy, but the act of being unhappy makes him happy... which is exactly what he doesn't want. This is a highly illogical and a self-defeating approach. You definitely are not afraid to take chances in life. You only live once. You may notice others around you playing it safe, but you are more concerned with not compromising your desires, and getting everything you can out of life. This is a very romantic approach to life, but hopefully you are also grounded enough to get by.


You are both quite introverted. For whatever reason you prefer not to be around others. You probably have one or two people that you are close with. You'd rather do things by yourself and you dislike working in groups. Oscar hates it when people bug him.

The other possible characters are

Cookie Monster

Big Bird

Snuffleupagus

Ernie

Elmo

Kermit the Frog

Grover

The Count

Guy Smiley

Bert

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The Your Sesame Street Persona test

I'm not sure how to get the nice award to post on my blog, but I will say that top on my list of nice people is Chris at Stuff as Dreams are Made On (hi Chris!!). I also have to nominate Kate at Heart Speaks to Heart and Melanie of Wine Dark Sea, both of the Darwins (count 'em--2), all of whom, for the record, make me think of things that I really should be thinking about. Also accomplishing niceness and thoughtfulness are Jen of Et Tu, Jen? and Entropy, both of whom also have a certain "edge" that I appreciate that comes from honesty and frankness, conveyed nicely, that is a real asset to the blogging world. All of the bloggers I have named deserve this more than me!! (I'll take it, though!)

The award carries responsibilities: “This award is for those bloggers who are nice people; good blog friends and those who inspire good feelings and inspiration. Also for those who are a positive influence on our blogging world. Once you’ve been awarded please pass on to seven others whom you feel are deserving of this award”.

Personality Test

Once again, courtesy of Entropy:

Your personality type is INFP.

Introverted (I) 71%	Extraverted (E) 29%
Intuitive (N) 95%	Sensing (S) 5%
Feeling (F) 55%	Thinking (T) 45%
Perceiving (P) 82%	Judging (J) 18%

I haven't really ever done a formal one of these, though I've always been intrigued with the concept. I'm not surprised at all that I should come up fairly strongly introverted--less so than I used to be, actually, but still. . . I'm not sure I understand the rest of the classifications, but what I found on this site seems to pin me down pretty well.

Things that surprised me a bit:

• being "driven to do something meaningful and purposeful"--after all, if that were the case, wouldn't I be a doctor or something? But I've said before that on some level, I do think that what I do is important. "Meaningful and purposeful" can be what you make it, right?
• "warmly interested in people" (are introverts interested in people??)--but I think I vary. Sometimes I think that the reason I distance myself from people is because of my capacity to become too involved. I am interested in people in practice, individual by individual, and though I claim not to be interested in people more generally, the whole theory behind my dissertation has to do with people and how they engage with texts and how the way they engage with texts helps them develop as people. Ummm. . . yeah. . . kind of demonstrates the "meaningful and purposeful" thing--my dissertation validates what I do. THAT's not self-serving at all!!
• "service oriented, usually putting the needs of others above their own"--I can see how I might do the latter, but I never considered that that implies the former. And really, I feel like I only put the needs of others above my own in cases when my "loyalty and devotion to people" comes into play. But I guess that's to be expected, no?
  

Things that don't surprise me, and I like the way they're articulated:

• "Flexible and laid back, unless a ruling principle is violated"--enough said. Has anyone here mistaken me for "flexible and laid back"?
  
• "Prefer to work alone"--However, that's not to say that I don't get inspiration from feeding off of the conversation and ideas of others. That's the nice thing about teaching sometimes, and something I miss about coursework is constant stimulating conversation (depending, of course, on the class!). I do better in terms of dissertation work when I do have regular meetings with my adviser, but I only really seek the input of a few trusted and respected people, and easily disregard the input of people whose opinions I don't respect. That's why conferences don't do much for me, I guess. I know I've just marked myself as a total elitist snob. Let's just chalk it up to the personality type, shall we?
• "Value deep and authentic relationships"--enough said. Or maybe not. How does one know a "deep and authentic relationship" outside of a spouse?
• I'm "out of the mainstream" alright. In fact, I'm out of several mainstreams. In fact, if you find a "mainstream" that you think I might fit into, I'm sure to find an exception. Basically, I have the unique talent of being able to p*ss off people on both sides of the spectrum!!
  
• I will be happiest in a career that allows me to "live my life in accordance with my values." So if you find one, will you let me know?
  

This is not really a meme, but I'd really like to tag some people to take the test and comment on what things did and did not surprise them about "themselves". . . Please, take this opportunity to talk about yourself!! Here! For my amusement! Being an introvert, I won't hold it against you if you ignore me. . . Really. . . At least, I'll pretend not to. . .