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Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Being More Direct. . .
. . .Than in my "woe is me" potty training post. . . Anyone have any similar experiences to share, tips, advice, encouragement? I'd love to hear from you. Really. Please. I know you're out there--I have Sitemeter!!
Here was my sister-in-law's unsolicited advice on potty training. I wouldn't know if it works because I hadn't tried it but her daughter is potty trained so how knows?
Put a candy dish of M&Ms in the bathroom so that Doodle can see it when she goes in. After she does what she is supposed to do in there, give her this little reward. Repeat every half an hour or so.
I have my reservations about a method like this for a few reasons, one of which it sounds too much like training a dog. Here's another piece of advice I read about in the book Potty Training Wise .
It suggests putting one of child's baby doll's in diapers. Then, you play with child and doll. Give the child a drink and offer the drink to her favorite doll. After a while, ask the child if her doll is clean and dry. She should check the doll's diapers with two finger. When the doll is declared dry, give the doll praise and a small reward (sticker or treat). Then take doll to potty. Have doll sit there. Once doll has "pottied", give her another reward or treat. Resume playing. After another little while, ask child if she is clean and dry. Check. When she is, give her praise and a small reward. A few minutes later, lead her to the potty and have her sit awhile. Once she has gone potty, praise and reward.
I don't know how this would work, though, for a child who already knows the game.
I was reading potty-training books because I was thinking of potty-training LilyBaby this summer but I think she's still too young. She doesn't show all the signs of readiness yet. I do remember reading about toddlers sometimes regressing because of reluctancy to leave baby-hood and its comforts behind. I don't know what to think about that.
Rest assured, all children eventually get potty trained. I know it can be especially trying for mom. You're doing a great job by encouraging her and working with her, patiently. I hope I have that patience when my time comes. Best of luck.
I can offer a couple tips and a bit of encouragement. Potty training my oldest daughter was almost effortless! I don't know how or why it was so easy, but she took right to it. The only glitch we had was that she was *deathly* afraid of the loud toilet flushing, especially at restaurants. She HATED them, as in started screaming and grabbing my pantleg and doing everything she could to get out of a stall. So, I eliminated the problem.
Don't flush.
Yes, it's kinda gross, and yes, if someone walks in right after you, they may look at you funny. But hey, it's your kid and you want to make this a non-traumatic experience, right? I would simply walk H out of the stall and lead her a few steps forward (if space allowed), and then, only if it was a #2, I'd flush the toilet. Timing is everything, as I'd still have to make sure that I was right by her side the moment she heard the flushing. Obviously, this was much easier to deal with at home. I'd just wait until she was busy in the other room playing to go back and flush her toilet. Honestly, she still doesn't like the really loud toilets, but this just means she gets out of the bathroom pretty quickly at the restaurant.
Also, to help with the feeling like Doodle no longer cares about being wet, etc....(and you may already know this or practice this), but when I started potty training H, I had to set a timer. She was too busy to want to stop what she was doing to go *try* to potty. So, I set it for every 30 minutes, and when it went off, she'd hear the "ding" and know it was time to sit on the potty and just try. She didn't have to "go" necessarily, but she had to sit there long enough to either: sing the Happy Birthday song twice OR read one short book. This method works more as a way of not giving a toddler the option of walking around in a wet diaper or pull-up. That is, if she sits on the potty frequently enough for long enough periods of time, then chances are less likely that she'll go potty in her pull-up or diaper. In fact, we're in the very early stages of introducing E to the potty, and the only way she'll sit for any amount of time is if we sit next to her and read books.
All of this said, you know your child. I've seen other toddlers who very stubbornly and intentionally have "accidents" because they're trying to say something, even if the people around them don't know what it is their trying to communicate. Regression, from what I've read, isn't uncommon; it's frustrating, surely, but not unusual. As with most parenting struggles, you just have to keep pulling different tricks out of your hat to find out what will work with your child. Sometime determining what your child values most (material rewards? praise? sense of independence?) helps in deciding which method to use. Hope some of this helps.
Thanks for the suggestions so far! (Keep 'em coming--this is feeling like a helpful dialog. If I sound contradictory or argumentative, it's me trying to work out what I've tried in the context of the suggestions.)
I've tried the reward system, but the problem is, it has gotten old. There's is only a little "yay" now as opposed to our former "YAAAAAAAY!!!!!" It's just not exciting for her, and I think that may be the the problem. We do M&M's when we think about it. But she wants them NOW if they are in front of her--oops!
The dolly thing has always just seemed corny & cheesy to me, and if the parent can't get behind it, I don't think it will work. Besides that she's beyond the stage when the dolly thing works, don't you think? I thought that was in part an introduction to the concept. One night, I tried to give her Tylenol and she resisted. So I offered it to the dolly. Doodle responded by knocking my hand away from the dolly and sending the medicine flying across the floor...
The last 3 children I witnessed being potty trained or helped potty train were boys. I've never done this with a girl before, but I thought that it was supposed to be easier. I think we started later with my son--okay, I KNOW we started later--maybe as much as a year. Perhaps it was too much, too soon. She was ready in lots of ways, but I probably put too much pressure on the process, and myself, and her because of the daycare concern. So anyway... All I keep hearing is how easy it has been for other people and their daughters, and I can't help feeling like it's a failure either for me or for her. I tell myself that it's no gauge of intelligence for her or parenting for me--problem is, I don't believe myself. :( The thing is--she was trained a few weeks ago, and I don't really know what happened! Or maybe I do:
--the irritation --the flushing thing --the novelty wore off
She's really happy with her new non-training panties, but she just ignores the "feeling" until it's too late. She knows when she has to go, but she has also learned that she can hold it, so she doesn't have to go immediately. She has her mother's gift for putting off the inevitable. I do know that she's not doing it on purpose. She only did the not-caring thing twice, and once was clearly that she was doing something new & imaginative.
As for flushing... The prospect of the toilet flushing without her prior knowledge is what scares her. She wants to be in control of the situation. In restrooms with multiple stalls, other people flush and she thinks it will affect the one underneath her, so the thought of sitting on it terrifies her--exactly what you describe with the clutching, etc. I can hold her ABOVE the commercial toilet. Once I did that and she finally consented to go. There was some screaming involved, however. This weekend at church, she went in the bathroom (and I missed the entirety of Communion trying to persuade her). She let me hold her above the toilet (Chiclette was on my front in a pouch--SLEEPING) but was never able to relax sufficiently to "go." The thing is, she WILL FLUSH IT HERSELF! She LIKES to do it!! (??) It baffles me, truly.
She won't pull down her underwear herself, either. Never has. I was wondering when she would get to that when everything fell apart. Perhaps she senses my impatience and wants to avoid conflict. Better than pleasing me is not not-pleasing me? Here's where the self-doubt comes in. And when I think about her not pulling down her underwear, I think, "Well why not? She's smart. She's coordinated..." *sigh* I dreaded starting to potty train. Maybe that's bound up in all of this, too. :(
I have never heard of the timer thing. Maybe I could get her to try that... We're still only really using pullups at night, naps if she doesn't go to the bathroom before her nap, and now--again--when we go places, which we had stopped. But we're having to change those panties pretty often.
I don't have any helpful hints or advice, but lots of sympathy.
I'm starting to think about when we should start potty training with Bella and realizing that unlike just about everything else in parenting, I have absolutely NO CLUE as to where to even begin, what books to read, etc. There are so many methods and theories and conflicting words of advice, I don't even know where to start and am dreading wading into the whole mess. So many people make comments after I describe a certain behavior and say it sounds as if she's ready but I'm just not sure.
lc, I hope you don't mind me hijacking your post; but can I solicit a little advice as well? How do you know when your child is ready? What are good books to read? Should I even be worrying about this now or should I just wait and see?
I did EC with my dd, now age 3. Even though kids tend to be done with diapers earlier, it is NOT about forcing them out of them. Much the opposite. I recommend it, but it helps to start at newborn-ish age.
7 comments:
Here was my sister-in-law's unsolicited advice on potty training. I wouldn't know if it works because I hadn't tried it but her daughter is potty trained so how knows?
Put a candy dish of M&Ms in the bathroom so that Doodle can see it when she goes in. After she does what she is supposed to do in there, give her this little reward. Repeat every half an hour or so.
I have my reservations about a method like this for a few reasons, one of which it sounds too much like training a dog. Here's another piece of advice I read about in the book Potty Training Wise .
It suggests putting one of child's baby doll's in diapers. Then, you play with child and doll. Give the child a drink and offer the drink to her favorite doll. After a while, ask the child if her doll is clean and dry. She should check the doll's diapers with two finger. When the doll is declared dry, give the doll praise and a small reward (sticker or treat). Then take doll to potty. Have doll sit there. Once doll has "pottied", give her another reward or treat. Resume playing. After another little while, ask child if she is clean and dry. Check. When she is, give her praise and a small reward. A few minutes later, lead her to the potty and have her sit awhile. Once she has gone potty, praise and reward.
I don't know how this would work, though, for a child who already knows the game.
I was reading potty-training books because I was thinking of potty-training LilyBaby this summer but I think she's still too young. She doesn't show all the signs of readiness yet. I do remember reading about toddlers sometimes regressing because of reluctancy to leave baby-hood and its comforts behind. I don't know what to think about that.
Rest assured, all children eventually get potty trained. I know it can be especially trying for mom. You're doing a great job by encouraging her and working with her, patiently. I hope I have that patience when my time comes. Best of luck.
-LilyBug
I can offer a couple tips and a bit of encouragement. Potty training my oldest daughter was almost effortless! I don't know how or why it was so easy, but she took right to it. The only glitch we had was that she was *deathly* afraid of the loud toilet flushing, especially at restaurants. She HATED them, as in started screaming and grabbing my pantleg and doing everything she could to get out of a stall. So, I eliminated the problem.
Don't flush.
Yes, it's kinda gross, and yes, if someone walks in right after you, they may look at you funny. But hey, it's your kid and you want to make this a non-traumatic experience, right? I would simply walk H out of the stall and lead her a few steps forward (if space allowed), and then, only if it was a #2, I'd flush the toilet. Timing is everything, as I'd still have to make sure that I was right by her side the moment she heard the flushing. Obviously, this was much easier to deal with at home. I'd just wait until she was busy in the other room playing to go back and flush her toilet. Honestly, she still doesn't like the really loud toilets, but this just means she gets out of the bathroom pretty quickly at the restaurant.
Also, to help with the feeling like Doodle no longer cares about being wet, etc....(and you may already know this or practice this), but when I started potty training H, I had to set a timer. She was too busy to want to stop what she was doing to go *try* to potty. So, I set it for every 30 minutes, and when it went off, she'd hear the "ding" and know it was time to sit on the potty and just try. She didn't have to "go" necessarily, but she had to sit there long enough to either: sing the Happy Birthday song twice OR read one short book. This method works more as a way of not giving a toddler the option of walking around in a wet diaper or pull-up. That is, if she sits on the potty frequently enough for long enough periods of time, then chances are less likely that she'll go potty in her pull-up or diaper. In fact, we're in the very early stages of introducing E to the potty, and the only way she'll sit for any amount of time is if we sit next to her and read books.
All of this said, you know your child. I've seen other toddlers who very stubbornly and intentionally have "accidents" because they're trying to say something, even if the people around them don't know what it is their trying to communicate. Regression, from what I've read, isn't uncommon; it's frustrating, surely, but not unusual. As with most parenting struggles, you just have to keep pulling different tricks out of your hat to find out what will work with your child. Sometime determining what your child values most (material rewards? praise? sense of independence?) helps in deciding which method to use. Hope some of this helps.
I should've have proofread...that should be "what they're trying to say"
Thanks for the suggestions so far! (Keep 'em coming--this is feeling like a helpful dialog. If I sound contradictory or argumentative, it's me trying to work out what I've tried in the context of the suggestions.)
I've tried the reward system, but the problem is, it has gotten old. There's is only a little "yay" now as opposed to our former "YAAAAAAAY!!!!!" It's just not exciting for her, and I think that may be the the problem. We do M&M's when we think about it. But she wants them NOW if they are in front of her--oops!
The dolly thing has always just seemed corny & cheesy to me, and if the parent can't get behind it, I don't think it will work. Besides that she's beyond the stage when the dolly thing works, don't you think? I thought that was in part an introduction to the concept. One night, I tried to give her Tylenol and she resisted. So I offered it to the dolly. Doodle responded by knocking my hand away from the dolly and sending the medicine flying across the floor...
The last 3 children I witnessed being potty trained or helped potty train were boys. I've never done this with a girl before, but I thought that it was supposed to be easier. I think we started later with my son--okay, I KNOW we started later--maybe as much as a year. Perhaps it was too much, too soon. She was ready in lots of ways, but I probably put too much pressure on the process, and myself, and her because of the daycare concern. So anyway... All I keep hearing is how easy it has been for other people and their daughters, and I can't help feeling like it's a failure either for me or for her. I tell myself that it's no gauge of intelligence for her or parenting for me--problem is, I don't believe myself. :( The thing is--she was trained a few weeks ago, and I don't really know what happened! Or maybe I do:
--the irritation
--the flushing thing
--the novelty wore off
She's really happy with her new non-training panties, but she just ignores the "feeling" until it's too late. She knows when she has to go, but she has also learned that she can hold it, so she doesn't have to go immediately. She has her mother's gift for putting off the inevitable. I do know that she's not doing it on purpose. She only did the not-caring thing twice, and once was clearly that she was doing something new & imaginative.
As for flushing... The prospect of the toilet flushing without her prior knowledge is what scares her. She wants to be in control of the situation. In restrooms with multiple stalls, other people flush and she thinks it will affect the one underneath her, so the thought of sitting on it terrifies her--exactly what you describe with the clutching, etc. I can hold her ABOVE the commercial toilet. Once I did that and she finally consented to go. There was some screaming involved, however. This weekend at church, she went in the bathroom (and I missed the entirety of Communion trying to persuade her). She let me hold her above the toilet (Chiclette was on my front in a pouch--SLEEPING) but was never able to relax sufficiently to "go." The thing is, she WILL FLUSH IT HERSELF! She LIKES to do it!! (??) It baffles me, truly.
She won't pull down her underwear herself, either. Never has. I was wondering when she would get to that when everything fell apart. Perhaps she senses my impatience and wants to avoid conflict. Better than pleasing me is not not-pleasing me? Here's where the self-doubt comes in. And when I think about her not pulling down her underwear, I think, "Well why not? She's smart. She's coordinated..." *sigh* I dreaded starting to potty train. Maybe that's bound up in all of this, too. :(
I have never heard of the timer thing. Maybe I could get her to try that... We're still only really using pullups at night, naps if she doesn't go to the bathroom before her nap, and now--again--when we go places, which we had stopped. But we're having to change those panties pretty often.
I don't have any helpful hints or advice, but lots of sympathy.
I'm starting to think about when we should start potty training with Bella and realizing that unlike just about everything else in parenting, I have absolutely NO CLUE as to where to even begin, what books to read, etc. There are so many methods and theories and conflicting words of advice, I don't even know where to start and am dreading wading into the whole mess. So many people make comments after I describe a certain behavior and say it sounds as if she's ready but I'm just not sure.
lc,
I hope you don't mind me hijacking your post; but can I solicit a little advice as well? How do you know when your child is ready? What are good books to read? Should I even be worrying about this now or should I just wait and see?
I did EC with my dd, now age 3. Even though kids tend to be done with diapers earlier, it is NOT about forcing them out of them. Much the opposite. I recommend it, but it helps to start at newborn-ish age.
I'm not familiar with EC. What is it?
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