I stumbled across a phrase today that I like. Instead of having an "unplanned pregnancy," I find myself "unexpectedly pregnant." I like this distinction for a couple of reasons:
1. It avoids the politically-charged term "unplanned": If a pregnancy is "unplanned," than one should have gone to "Planned Parenthood," no?
2. The word "pregnancy" is a noun, a thing, something that one "has" that is distinctly separate from one's being. Therefore, there is a certain amount of theoretical distance implied. The pregnancy is, in fact, an "Other," a "not-self," and may be treated as such, to achieve distance until one is ready to "deal with" the emotional implications of the "thing." (Here, the "pregnancy" is the "thing," not the baby, which does not yet need to be considered in this linguistic construct.)
3. The word "pregnant," by contrast, is an adjective--it implies a state of being, in fact, a temporary state of being, something that will not last forever. Because it is a state of being, it is connected to the person who is being modified by the term, "pregnant": I am pregnant. You are pregnant. I was pregnant two years ago. I am pregnant for my third child. When I was pregnant for my first, I was 19. . .
4. The word "unplanned" is negative. It suggests negligence--literally, a "failure to plan."
5. By contrast, "unexpected" things can be good. Or interesting. Like "An Unexpected Party," for example. "Unexpected" things can yield an adventure.
Maybe we should use the term more often. Maybe it'll catch on.
8 comments:
I like this. It's pleasant and positive, and if said in the right way, can also imply, "And it's none of your business either!"
I hate the planned pregnancy question. All issues of intention become academic once you're dealing with the existence of a child. To be fair, I think for most people it's simply a matter of making small talk with a pregnant women, occupying the niche that "Have you picked a name?" or "I hope you haven't been too sick?" might have filled at one time.
I like this too. One of the questions that I'm required to ask the parent during our family sessions at the hospital is "was (child) a planned pregnancy?" I hate that question...so instead I ask...was (child) a lovely surprise, or was this an expected pregnancy?
Same question, just termed a little bit better.
I agree. I hate that question. I wonder if the powers-that-be assume that just because a pregnancy was unexpected it's also unwanted (i.e. do they put it toward statistics of "unwanted pregnancies"?).
When I was pregnant with my first child I was still in University and the nurse who saw me at my first visit to the student clinic asked me if my pregnancy was a 'happy' one. Presumably to determine what sort of advice to offer and what appointment to set me up with next. Luckily, I was able to answer yes since I was very happy to be unexpectedly pregnant.
Sometimes, too, we can dwell unhealthily on terminology ourselves, and by applying a negative label, we allow ourselves to dwell in negative thoughts. Even if a situation is less than ideal for a pregnancy, what we make of it can make a world of difference--and what messages we get from others, whether friends &family, co-workers, or larger social discourses can also make a huge difference in whether the even is happy or not. Words are extremely important! (With my first, everyone knew it wasn't planned, so no one asked! Very nice. Also, I think New Orleans is different with these things, but I keep saying that, don't I? Put it down as nostalgia.)
Well, this won't be a particularly intelligent response, because I'm blogging late-late-late (past midnight), but "YOU GO GIRL!" Love this, and am going to keep this (and the reasoning - LOVE the reasoning too!) in mind... :)
I like this. Even though mine was a "planned" pregnancy (although I quickly discovered that my planning seemed to have absolutely no impact on my becoming pregnant), I did find myself unexpectedly pregnant when that second line turned up on the test stick!
Yeah, I've always maintained that however much you "plan," there's always that element of surprise, and it's best just to go with it! (I should have reminded myself of that a few months ago!) ;)
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