This morning, I actually had the leisure (and the courage!!) to take Doodle to her holiday party. I strapped Chiclette to me and led Doodle into the school and to the various tables of activities. They decorated graham cracker houses, made snow pictures, laced Christmas cards, rolled & cut an ornament out of dough made from cinnamon, applesauce, and glue (???), and strung cranberries and popcorn on wire. She could also have made a bird feeder, but they substituted the peanut butter that they usually spread on the pine cones with Crisco. I was too grossed out. I remembered that there is one child with a severe nut allergy, so that explains the substitution. The morning was fun, but tiring. Doodle really enjoys having activities that are suited to her skill level--no need to constrain her. It's so nice for her. The much touted "social interaction" of preschool perplexes her a bit, and rather frustrates me.
Little girls are taught and expected to interact in such different ways from little boys. It really sets up the cliquishness of the pre-teen and teen years. I can't stand seeing its beginnings. Doodle was stringing cranberries and popcorn on a wire. A little girl came up, but there was no chair. So she squeezed onto Doodle's chair, which Doodle was fine with--she was happy to share! Then little girl #2 comes walking up. There was no chair. So little girl #1 starts pushing Doodle off of the chair because "Claire needs a chair"! Claire's mom chimes in, "That's O.K., Claire can stand," but that really didn't solve the problem. Doodle knew that she was being thrown over. Luckily, it didn't upset her too badly. More than anything, she was perplexed by her friend's behavior (everyone is a friend to her--she even calls me "her friend Momma" sometimes!). The "so-and-so likes her better than me" is a new concept. She knows no hierarchies in friendship. :( So I went and got another chair and plopped it down for Doodle! She moved on to a different activity not long after that. Little boys wouldn't bother with this. Why do people teach their daughters to behave like this? No one needs to cultivate a "best friend" relationship in a preschooler. After a while, it has more to do with status, and making sure that your child's friends' clothes cost the same as your child's clothes, and that they live in a house that appraises favorably. It's not as bad sending your son to a snob school as your daughter.
4 comments:
I found this post to be quite interesting. I wonder how boys would have handled the same situation. I don't doubt that little girls are taught to play those social games early. And, sadly, they can be quite cruel. Boys, it seems, care less about formalities and rules and they don't tend to hold grudges about being hurt the way little girls do. Again, social conditioning or something natural to the sex? I tend to side with the former.
-LilyBug
No, I don't think it is "in their nature" to play these games. I vote for social conditioning on this one! After all, Doodle would not have done this. I don't think her Korean or Indian friends would have done the same, either, so what do you do with that?
You're right. So it's a Texas cultural thing. I should have known. What do you do with that?!
No, not just Texas--not by a longshot!!
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