Monday, February 10, 2014

Fiction Book Club Selections for the Training Department

During a break in this morning's team meeting, I had a great idea.  Thinking about ways to bring what I love to our department, I thought--wow!  Wouldn't it be cool to have a book club!  Given the inclinations of the others in the department, though, I would have to find a way to make sure we didn't drift toward nonfiction.  I know!  We could arrange our selections thematically to correspond with the classes we teach, or topics we promote, or--even better!--to correspond with our "certificate programs," which bring everything together (classes, philosophy, whatever).  Unfortuately, when I started brainstorming, this is what happened:

  • Web Design - Burning Chrome by William Gobson
  • Desktop Publishing - The Waste Land by T. S. Eliot
  • Personal Development - The Hunger Games trilogy
  • Office Administration - "Bartleby, the Scrivener" by Herman Melville
  • Diversity - Beloved by Toni Morrison
  • Communication Styles - Ulysses by James Joyce; Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf; The Stranger by Albert Camus
Yeah... Perhaps I'll wait to propose this.  Indefinitely.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Doing What you Love. . . Or Not

Lately, this article has been circulating among my friends on Facebook.  Titled, "In the Name of Love" and printed first by Jacobin Magazine and then by Slate, the article is a timely response to the job market and unemployment crises.  It traces our job angst and the exploitation of professional labor to bad job advice--namely, "do what you love."

Blaming the individual for explotation is a "blaming the victim" model.


1. Graduate and professional programs and the workforce are full of people who are in it for the money.

2. Being saitisfied with your work is an ROI for employers--and not for the reasons you think.

In HR, we focus on knowing your strengths, and helping supervisors identify talent and nurture growth. Why?  Because even if the bottom line is not your fulfillment, a satisfied employee is a productive employee.

3.  Salaried office jobs are "salaried"--that is, non-hourly--to allow for the employee to work overtime without compensation in order to get projects done.  It's not just teachers and academics.


4. Doing what we love on our own time is great in theory, but rarely practical.


5. If we don't do what we love--or at least like--we allow work to kill our souls.

What about a vocation?
Isn't it a little socialist to just do what society requires of us?



--making a job out of what you love is not necessarily the problem--the problem is how you frame "doing what you love."

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Lessons from the Staff Side: Faculty and Customer Service

Something I have been thinking more and more about since working in a cutomer-serving department, and in a training department that teaches--and requires--customer service--is the idea that faculty should consider what customer service actually means.  I do come from an academic background--a background to which I am still dearly attached, and I would love to bring it to the foreground if I could.  So I know how faculty bristle--how I used to bristle--at the suggestion that faculty are in any way providing customer service, or at the idea that students are in any way customers or consumers.

The first problem is that the "customer service" model is often misunderstood both by those promoting it for political reasons and those who are resisting it.  Students and their parents see a "customer service" model as meaning that education exists, and is provided to the student/customer, to serve the purpose designated by the student.  This is seriously misguided.  The customer, if customer they would be, must assess the service provider first to determine whether the service being offered meets his or her needs, and whether the service provider, in fact, is capable of delivering the product needed, particularly when there are other providers available.  The informed consumer does not go to a vegetarian restaurant and order steak, or to McDonald's and order Kobe beef or sushi.  If she shops for auto parts at Target or Kroger, she must be prepared to find their offerings severely limited.  If she goes to a hospital to get a pedicure, or to a salon to have an appendectomy, she will necessarily be disappointed.  The first step, then, is knowing what institutions of higher education claim to offer, and for what reason.  What are they, in fact, trying to do for the individual in general?  Individual professors support their own reserach missions and pedagogical theories, putting those in the service of the departmental mission, which in turn serves the overall mission of the institution, which might advance a statewide goal that is somehow tied to the legislature's goals for development of citizens in the case of a state university.  They are thus charged with delivering the product and service deemed appropriate by their institution, and they are given some freedom in how they interpret the delivery.  To drill down and say that a professor should not be burdoning students with nonultilitarian information because the student is a customer, and the professor should be giving the customer only what he needs is ludicrous.  Being a smart consumer means understanding what you are buying.

On the other hand, professors (used broadly here, because I think academics of all stripes, and lecturers, and faculty of universities and colleges alike take issue) balk at the idea that there is a "customer service model" of education.** And it is possible that I am not strictly speaking about a model of education, but an attitude.  So what does a faculty member hear when someone suggests that education should be seen in terms of customer service?  I would suggest, first, that they interpret the phrase in much the same way as the students, or else they recognize the students' and parents' assumptions and react against those.  Customer-service oriented education might seem inherently utilitarian, designed to prepare students in a very practical, focused way, for "real life," which usually translates into "getting a job."  Whatever the failings of educational curricula, putting education in the service of employment is not something I want to advocate--or even to address here.  The other implication is that "service" means slavish devotion to students.  Providing multiple opportunities to make the grade.  Extra extra credit.  Perhaps even certain types of lectures and exams.  As far as that goes, there are already huge initiatives to understand how students learn and to make efforts to design curricula, courses, assignments and even to restructure classrooms and redefine the teacher in order to maximize student learning.  This is everywhere.  Sometimes, it actually benefits the professor by removing the pressure for them to perform.  They become mediators and mentors--not at all a bad role, unless they become superfluous, replaced by monitors and mediators who are less expensive and require less maintenance.  There is some anxiety about this as tenure track disappears and adjuncts abound.  So in terms of methodology, "student centered" might as well mean "customer-service oriented."  The basic approach--taking the needs of those who are on the receiving end of the product or service into account--is the same.  Do students see this as customer service?  Not necessarily.  Will they make unreasonable demands in the name of customer service?  Absolutely.

I think that in terms of pedagogy, a customer-service orientation might mean focusing on the journey or process rather than the product.  In an age of measurable objectives, we focus on testing, testing, testing...  But those who train, or teach classes to blue-collar professions realize that not everyone tests well, and that sometimes the artificiality of a test is not the best indicator of skill, knowledge, or mastery.  There are ways to evaluate during the process of learning.  In a training environment, where there are no tests, and yet where we have to try to deliver courses that help people learn, we need to develop exercises that allow people to try out what they have learned in an environment where they can ask questions and receive feedback and instruction.  Some people come and do not want to learn, and since it is their time, I can't really do too much about that lack of motivation.  If they sit through my class, it goes on their transcript, and they might receive a higher yearly evaluation because of it.  I can't help that situation.  I'm not going to report to the boss that they were shopping for shoes for the entire 6 hours.  But when they return to their desks, unless they already had the skills I taught, they will not have those skills at their disposal in their daily life.  Because there is little real-world consequence, except perhaps if a doctor sleeps during Biology, education requires tests.

When I think about the process, though, I think about what leads up to the grades.  Where are the opportunities for professors to monitor the learning process to see what is happening with a student before the test or paper due date?  There are precious few in the models with which I am familiar, and all are student-intitiated.  The reason they are few and student-initiated is that 1) the professor doesn't necessarily have the time or tools to get to know the student(s), and 2) there is an underlying assumption that forcing someone to ask for help has something to do with growing up.  On a level, it does.  But being open and available is important as well, and paving the way for someone to ask for help.

Let me describe two situations.  One semseter when I was teaching Freshman composition, I had a student who came to class every day.  She was very quiet, but listened attentively.  She participated in daily activities.  However, she never submitted a paper.  I might have mentioned that to her casually in class once or twice, and she nodded.  So she knew that she was behind, and hadn't turned in the work. Clearly, the burden was on her shoulders.  It was easy to shrug it off--that meant one less paper to grade, however much I pitied her.

Consider another situation--a rigidly enforced departmental policy on word count.  The students are warned that if their papers do not meet that word count--even if they are lacking only 2 words--the paper will not be graded.  In the case of the final paper, it will not be read, though earlier papers--the finished, failed product--will receive feedback.  Having already failed, how many of us will want the feedback?  Even when I teach, if I feel that I have failed to deliver a class to my ability or my standards, I do not go looking for student feedback to tell me what I've done wrong.  I already have a sense of my own inadequacy, thank you very much.  So do students learn from that level of failure?  We are told that if they don't fail, success will not be meaningful.  But what is a meaningful failure?  How does a teacher make failure meaningful?  I'm not sure.  But I don't think being beaten down and then invited in for more beating is going to do it.  But when grading is as onorous as it is, and the students don't seem to care about our rules or our standards, it is easy to let the cynacism win.  Let's face it, too--not all students are really interested in learning or playing the game.  Motivations for being in school are much more complex than motivations for working.  Working has a tangible result--a paycheck--even if it produces nothing else for the individual.

In a customer-serving department, we measure contact hours--how many hours we spend teaching multiplied by how many students we teach.  It is important to have people value what we are doing, and they come to value our classes becuase they can see the progress they are making.  So we try to facilitate that progress.  They tell other people.  We maintain our contact hours or increase them.  We do operate on supply and demand, but so do academic departments.  Courses that no one takes are not offered frequently, if at all.  In the offices, advisors are interested in retaining majors--those numbers are good, too.  But advisors are staff, and they are customer-serving positions.  Faculty are different.  Who cares if a faculty member pisses off a student?  No one.  Who cares if a staff member does?  Everyone, including the faculty who happen to be involved with that student.  Faculty are definitely a protected class, though I know that this varies, and not all faculty strive to piss off or offend students--though there are some who definitely do.  They offend in order to make a point--I heard it from the Dean of Faculties recently, as he defended faculty methods to a group of staff members.  But that's methodological.  What about individual students?

Being in a staff position, or a customer-serving position, means that every time you are in contact with others, you are trying to facilitate matters to make certain that the customer feels good about the result.  This has to do with equity as well as attitude.  Most people who come to our department for training understand who we are and what our product is.  They don't have to personally pay, so perhaps some of it is gratitiude for the opportunity (or the ability to escape work, though not all WANT to escape work), but they understand that we have guidelines to follow, and by and large, they respect those guidelines.  There are certainly exceptions.

So when you want to actually maintain a relationship with your customers, you do things differently.  Students are disposable, and they are a renewable resource.  Different ones keep coming back, so there is no fear that faculty will become obsolete becaus students will choose not to come to classes.  If your purpose is to fill someone with your subject or shape them in your own image, you don't actually have to care about how the process goes--especially if you're not held accountable.  Where I am now, if someone is coming up to the time limit of a program, I can't just let them go and shrug.  Of course I could.  It is completely on their shoulders whether they finish a program or not.  But what does it do to our contact hours if I let someone slip through the cracks?  It's only one person.  And the people that they don't tell about our wonderful programs and customer service.  I'm working for word of mouth here.  So I email.  And I ask if they need any help or have any questions.  And while some still don't answer, others will tell me what's going on. Some--working adults, older than me--confess that they were afraid to speak up.  These are not children who need to be taught a lesson about growing up.  These are people who think they know the constraints of our program, and don't want to impose.  And I'm not nearly as intimidating as some professors I've had.  And not nearly as scary as some grad students I've known.  And Freshmen--let's face it--are 18.  And have radically different personalities.  They are people.  And sometimes, they can't cope.  Other times, they're just jerks.  But you know?  You can give them the benefit of the doubt, too.  I have to.  And customer service techniques teach you how to manage the jerks, too.  Just watch the next time you're a jerk--they try to manipulate you with the same techniques I've learned.  It's all rhetoric.

But the curious thing is that when you start considering the process, and how you can intervene and facilitate the success of a person or a situation, it becomes a habit, and requires much less effort.  Granted, I'm tied to an office for 40 hours, so I have to send these emails, but really, it doesn't take very long.  Thinking of a student as a customer simply in order to reorient you're thinking so that you make every reasonable effort to facilitate their success--THAT is what faculty customer service would look like.  It's not the same as spoon feeding them.  I'm not saying that you have to break the rules.  Just start by asking, after you tell them what they need to do, "How can I help with this process?"  Many times, they won't ask for anything.  But I think, with students, many times we try to avoid contact hours rather than seeking them out.  It's part of the institution.

**I forgot to mention that at the root of faculty resistance to customer service is that "service" sounds menial.  Ego and the relative importance of faculty to the university are definitely factors.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Why I Can't Write

I don't write on this blog any more.  I have my Booknotes blog, my family blog, my teaching and training blog, my NaNoWriMo blog (except that I seem to have given up this year), and my sewing blog, but this is the blog that started it all.  I don't write in it any more because it was very confessional and very unfocused.  It was about my reactions to everything, and my need to put those reactions into words.  But tonight, I'm writing, because it fills a need--and a part of myself that I have tried to keep inside, or suppress, or channel into other places, or mostly to condense into angsty statuses on Facebook.  Sometimes I cry a lot, too, but that has become less frequent.  I can't catch up here.  If you are reading this, you might already know something of my story--grad school, academic job market, regular job market, trying to cope with not being where I wanted to be, trying to cope with the fact that I both desire and scorn academia, and scorn it in part (but not wholly) because I feel the sting of rejection.  The coping does not end.  The sting is still raw, though it hurts less and becomes more a normal part of life--as grieving does, I guess.  And sometimes, I just can't handle it.  And so here I am.

I read tonight a beautiful article posted on Tor.com.   It is about Neville Longbottom, and how he is the most important character in the Harry Potter series.  Simply reading the title, I agreed, and reading the article, I not only agreed--I admired the ease and symmetry with which the author made her case.  It was beautiful.  Go read it--it will inspire you.  And it is just what I think literary criticism should do.  It is almost painful to see someone else doing it so very well, when it is exactly what I always wanted to do--to direct people to read in such a way that the literature expands their view of the world.  I wanted to do this both in teaching and in criticism, and I now do neither.  I could still write, certainly.  And I have--on my Booknotes blog.  But I don't care so much about hanging out on others' blogs attracting readers. I don't have the time and energy to cultivate a readership--something I never consciously tried to do when I started this blog.  At the time, I simply seemed to be saying things that people found intereting.  And I was gratified, because they were smart people.  And some of those people remain friends, for which I am also grateful.

But the blog took up too much of my life.  It consumed my time because everything I say, I want to say at length, and in great detail.  In order to graduate, I had to let it go--the blogging lifestyle.  Which was, in fact, the only public writing life I have ever enjoyed.  I will never recapture that.

My "official" vision of the writing life was the academic writing life.  The problems there were that I wanted to say things that were often considered banal and mundane.  I had to repackage them so that the veneer was impressive.  I could do it.  I even enjoyed it.  But I became burned out, and feared that I could not write to achieve tenure, though I always thought that I would be able to when the time came. The time never came.  So now I can't write academic prose.  I can't  do literary criticism.  Because it is too much effort for too little reward.

When my eyes stray across something I could write--that I should write--it wounds me, because it is ultimately a defeat.  It is a self-defeat, and a defeat born of circumstance.  Without a context that requires and allows me to write, how can I write?  Without an audience, how can I motivate myself to say anything of consequence?  My overwhelming sense is that without the job that supports it, what I write is ultimately worthless.  If the tree falls in the forest and no one hears it... I do not actually think it has the courage to make a sound.  I didn't think I could be broken, but I think I have been.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Business Writing and... Business Writing

So my big news at work recently has been that I've been given the "Better Business Writing" or "Business Writing Essentials" class.  It's a 2-day, 6 hour class, which is far removed from the 15-week format I had been used to in my former life.  The class is geared toward staff members at the university and who work for the university system, which is far removed from teaching undergraduates--and oh, there's no grading.  I have the opportunity to revise our current materials if I so choose, and to make small changes to the course if I wish.  Right now, I'm just glad to be teaching writing in addition to software--which means that for two glorious afternoons every couple of months, I will be teaching writing instead of software.

Now, you might not be able to tell from the blog, which can be wordy and indirect, but I am a good business writer--however, teaching business writing is not my forte.  Which is to say, I haven't really done it.  I've taught composition.  And I've taught what we were calling at the time "technical writing," which, frankly, doesn't say anything about what you're writing, how you'll be doing it, or in what context.  Instead, it presented a smattering of genres--reports, proposals, letters, resumes--and an overall approach, which was to consider who the audience is and what they would be doing with whatever it is you are writing for them.  But on a level, teaching writing is teaching writing, and there are simply different contexts to consider, different purposes and audiences--in short, in teaching writing, as in writing, you have to consider rhetorical situation.

So to teach this class, I want to do a little bit of research.  Finding that our department's books were out-dated (over a decade old), I consulted a former colleague of mine who teaches business writing for the business school at the university.  He offered books, approaches, rubrics, and we just chatted a bit about what he does vs. what I do.  And there's a BIG difference there.

He teaches MBAs.  He teaches executives.  These are the guys who are already in business, or who at the least already have a B.A. and some work experience.  They are communicating on a whole different level, for a whole different audience, than the people I teach.  Because my audience will be staff members.  Not members of the upper administration, but their assistants, bookkepers, accountants.  The people I teach need to know how to send an informative email that will not embarrass or irritate the others in the department, to write effective recommendations for employees to get raises--in short, they need to execute standard business correspondance with competance.  And I'm going to be giving them tips. They don't need to propose or report on a merger, or write business or financial plans.  And that's good.  Because I don't want to teach the Haliburtons.  Not. Even. A. Little.

What I will be teaching is, in some ways, more humble than academic writing.  It will certainly be more practical.  In many cases, however, the students will be in the same place as the freshman I used to teach, except that they will have been out of school for longer in most cases, their confidence might be lower to begin with than many (but not all) undergraduates.  But they will know why they are there, because if they are there, it will mean that writing is in some way important to their jobs.

I do prefer teaching people to write as a means of communicating, discovering, and synthesizing their ideas.  I do ultimately want to teach people to engage with and analyze the written word, however they encounter it, and ultimately to apply that same analysis to spoken language and the world around them.  I believe that by having writing at our disposal, we are in command of a lot, whether it's important to anyone else or not.  This is why I have four blogs.  Or five.  Whatever.  And I believe that writing gives us access to our own thoughts in unique ways, even as it opens us up to others around us, for good or ill.  BUT...

This does not mean that I don't relish the opportunity to teach practical writing to people who need it.  Just that awareness on the part of the student--that writing is significant--validates what I am doing, and what I can do. But what is really important is helping people communicate--and making writing a bit easier, and a bit less intimidating.  And along the way, what I have taught them might get someone else a raise, award or promiotion.  It might help people understand one another.  It might mean that someone reading an email feels a little less irritation in a day.  And those are all good reasons to teach writing.  In fact, there are no bad  reasons to teach writing.  Well, maybe to train minions for world domination.... But if I had to deal with executives?  *sigh*  I'd have to think twice.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Let's Communicate like Adults: Styles and Types

I have been fascinated by personality styles for a while now, owing in large part to my own introspection and the abundance of online "tests" for this or that.  While I am working on how personality types can help us to understand our own reading preferences, including what narrative strategies of engagement we prefer, on my Booknotes blog, I am also interested in other ways in which personality types and communication styles might speak across the teaching-training divide.

I would argue that the most prominent classification system for personality types is the Meyers-Briggs classification system, which relies on the categories of Introversion/Extroversion, Intuitive/Sensing  Feeling/Thinking, Perceiving/Judging.  From these categories, we get 16 "types":
  • INFP
  • INTP
  • INFJ
  • INTJ
  • ISFP
  • ISTP
  • ISFJ
  • ISTJ
  • ENFP
  • ENTP
  • ENFJ
  • ENTJ
  • ESFP
  • ESTP
  • ESFJ
  • ESTJ
And each of these types are handily linked to explanations of the interactions between the traits measured by the four categories.  Here is a good description for the Wikipedia-adverse, or if you prefer Wikipedia, their descriptions are also acceptable.  (If you would like to take the test to find out where you stand, here is an online version of the test.)

In my training department, rather than talking about personality types, which are more the realm of psychology, we talk about communication styles.  And communication intersects neatly with teaching, training, and rhetoric.  Not only does our department (but not me personally) teach these communication styles so that people who take the class can learn how to communicate more effectively with others in their offices, communication is intrinsic to training and to teaching--and, well, rhetoric (an erstwhile specialty of mine) is communication, and knowing how to communicate to/with an audience.  Adding a self-reflective layer and a way to understand one's intended audience can only be helpful, particularly for Freshman comp and for students who do not already have a knack for targeting a specific audience effectively.  The communication styles that we discuss in our training department are called  "the four bird mode" or, quite ridiculously, "DOPE," which stands for
  • Dove
  • Owl
  • Peacock
  • Eagle

The bird designation is both useful and very annoying, because the classification system attempts both to use and to distance itself from the traditional associations with the birds.  Dove does, in fact, mean peacemaker; Owl does not precicely mean wise, though it does have to do with collecting information; Peacock isn't really supposed to mean a strutting performer--except that it sort of does, and Eagle isn't actually a bird of prey, just an ultra-direct leader type.  Sadly, the one I find the most offensive, with the least explanatory power at face value, is my own: Peacock.  More on that in a minute...

There are some good explanations of this system online.  It has the benefit of being simpler than Meyers-Briggs, and of dealing specifically with one aspect of personality--communication.  Here is a paper-based (PDF) test, which includes descriptions of the birds; this site has a self-assessment questionaire.  Here are two more sites with good explanations of the types:


The latter, in particular, has a comparative chart that tells you how to recognize each of the types and what their strengths, weaknesses, and bottom line are.  I  tested firmly as a Peacock, but I have more than a few Owl traits.  On the whole, I am less happy with this schema than the Meyers-Briggs, which in some ways supports and in some ways contradicts the DOPE classification--the INFP "Idealist" could be an emotional Peacock who gets excited about ideas, and might be a "performer" in some ways, but is not necessarily a pushy attention-seeker...

What is interesting about the birds is the diagram on page 5 of this PDF (also above), which shows how controlling or supportive, direct or indirect each type is.  I like to think I am direct, but also supportive--Peacock.  This model substitutes "Assertiveness" for "Controlling."  And this discussion translates the whole thing into practical terms--what you need to know in order to be able to communicate effectively with each of the types.  Something to remember when doing a self-evaluation is that this schema is geared specifically to the workplace.  So while this chart probably represents how I come across in meetings (as a Peacock):

  • The Dove is sympathetic, moderate, people-focused.
  • The Owl is technical, analytical, process-focused.
  • The Peacock is expressive, persuasive, recognition-focused.
  • The Eagle is bold, confident, results-focused.

I have more than a few Dove and Owl characteristics (INFP).

So how is all this useful?  Well, in Training and Organizational Development, teaching people how to communicate effectively in an office environment is simply one of the services we offer.  People don't know how to communicate.  They butt heads.  They misunderstand one another.  They work inefficiently in groups. Aha--wait!  There is the common ground I was looking for.

I think that in teaching, personality types and communication styles could be productively discussed with undergraduate students and employed in the classroom.  Throughout the 1990s and forward, the mode of teaching has been shifting to prefer so-called "active learning," when it is in fact active learning and not simply a search-and-find activity by which the student receives the same information that would be handed out in a lecture.  Active learning can be tricky, and involves more questioning than is typically permitted--at least at the secondary level.  But what active learning means more often than not is more group work--projects and whatnot--which I hated when I was in school.  Loathed.  Because often there was someone else competing with or sabotaging my vision--which meant that I was inclined to take charge and cut the other person out.  The PBS Kids show Arthur actually has a great episode on exactly this topic.  Group work is difficult to manage as an inexperienced student negotiating one's own ego in relation to others.  And it is equally difficult to negotiate as a teacher--at least, as a teacher who is trying to facilitate student success.  And yet, as much as I hate to admit it, it really is a useful skill to be able to work with others on projects.  But all of the group work in the world won't make students better prepared for group projects in the workplace--unless they are taught a little bit about how people work together, group dynamics, and how to negotiate the roles they are required to fill.

Enter communication styles.

With the resources online, it would be simple for a teacher to devote some time at the beginning of a class, or of the first group project, to a discussion of communication styles.  While an Eagle might one day, under the constraints of a job title, be forced to subsume his or her personality in order to placate a boss, it might help a group of students to complete a project on time to have them assign a leadership role to the person who is the clear leader.  Having a group of 4 Doves or 4 Owls (4 Eagles seems unlikely...) working on a project might be ill-advised--or it might be treated as a problem to acknowledge and strategize to overcome. Have the Owl of the group do the research (Owls love information-gathering); let the Peacock exert some creative control.  Working together according to the students' natural inclinations is bound to produce a stronger product, teach them about themselves, and prepare them for the eventuality of higher-stakes group work.  Add a self-reflective writing exercise at the end, and voila!  You have some good pedagogy.  And something to build on:
  • From what you have learned about your personality type, discuss your approach to interaction in your classes or your approach to education in general. 
  • From what you have learned about your particular communication style, analyze the tone of your first argumentative paper. 
You have now opened new avenues for critical thinking, analysis, and revision, and made the "personal narrative" obsolete as a bonus!

Friday, August 16, 2013

The Difficult Questions - Nonacademic to Academic Career Recovery

Against my better judgment, I emailed my former mentor.  I think he sees me as very needy, and so has been really reluctant to reach out at all since I graduated.  I think he just wants to move on--perhaps because he can't account for my failure.  I'm not sure.  But anyway, I sent him an email, and asked about the "shelf life" of a Ph.D., and about whether he might have any strategies for reintegration into academia.  In the past, he has helped his male students and former students with their careers when they didn't follow the usual straight-into-tenure-track path.  But maybe he's just tired now.  I can understand that.

I am feeling stale and unfulfilled.  Stale, because I have no connection to anything that relates to my degree.  And that's not a good place to be.  I understand why there is a shelf-life for Ph.D.s. While you're in a graduate program, you're caught up in the currents of what everyone is talking about.  There's something vital about that environment, even when you sort of hate the things that people are talking about--still, there's an intellectual energy.  And teaching!  Ideas come from teaching.  And there is also energy in helping someone to see something new, or to be able to figure something out for the first time.  There is an energy that comes with being around people who are young--who are becoming--who are not yet there, and not yet in a holding pattern (because I know working adults are not yet there, but they are where they have to be; like I am).  Teaching is helping someone to move forward.  Training is helping someone to make the most of where they are now--at least, the kind of training I do.  Professional development has more to do with moving forward, but even so--they're moving forward on a much more limited trajectory.  I want to be in the realm of open possibility, not of settling, or of stasis, or of closed doors and glass ceilings.

So I emailed.  And I got a very stock response--keep trying, spin your work experience as positive.  As I said, I think he is tired.  *sigh*  So am I.

So I emailed back, because I know that my first questions were nebulous.  And I asked three big questions:
1) Teaching - can you lose it?
2) Intellectual community - how do you find it?
3) Strategies I've considered - are they worth it?
The first two are crucial.  I am in such a different world.  In training, we don't ask probing questions.  Even in the "soft skills" classes, in which they seem to ask big questions about diversity, for example--they really don't.  The questions are designed to help people accept the answers that the strategists have already set forth.  I'm in technology training, which means the answers are always closed:  "How would you make use of this in your job?"  "Have you ever hit 'Enter' in Microsoft Word, only to have all of your formatting change?  Well, I can help you with that."  There's no creation or discovery; only demonstration and repetition.  So I worry that I am losing the ability to ask the probing questions--to make people think.

I'm also worried that I am losing the knowledge that I used to possess--that it's tucked so far back into my head that it's increasingly inaccessible.  I see my boxes of books that I haven't unpacked, and when I look in them, I see books that I love--that I used to love--with which I have no connection currently.  I could read them again, but why?  Some books are for me, and some books are for jumping into conversation, and inspiring others.  I'm not going to revisit the History of British Literature on my own behalf.  There's simply no point.  Or is there?  No... I really don't think there is.

And then, there's the fact that the current is leaving me behind.  I don't know how people on the inside are talking about things any more because I'm not there.  And reading it in a journal is simply not the same.  It's the teaching.  How are we presenting these authors?  What are we highlighting?  And even if I go against the grain, it's stimulating to be able to borrow from or work against what other people are doing.  Instead, I'm rereading Harry Potter.  And I'm pretty tired of it.  But I have to keep reading, because Voldemort isn't dead yet.  If I worked fairly hard, I could probably make that into a career metaphor.  But I won't just yet, because I'm feeling lazy.

So...  How do you find intellectual community?  Or intellectual validation?  I have a small community, for which I am very grateful.  If you are reading this--thank you.  You keep me going.  Literally.  But I have always hungered for more--for publication.  To have my ideas out there--influencing... someone.  And right now, I just have no idea how to get there.  My most recent abstract, which I thought was very good, was rejected, but part of me isn't surprised--every time I have an idea, the academically trained side of my brain can see what's laughable about it.  I was accepted to a conference that sounded fabulous, but a conference right now is no more than an expensive vacation, and I don't like to travel alone.  I have never found community at a conference--not really.  Once or twice I came close. Generally, I feel very alone--a complete wallflower.  So no community there.  But I need the community for stimulus, for support, and for resources.  What makes a good book?  Who might be interested in the half-baked ideas I do have?  And most of all, why should I write them down if there is no guarantee of an audience, of publication, or of a change in career?

These, my friends, are the questions I need to answer.