Long Time, No Post, and the Giving and Keeping of Clothing

Over the past week or so--since my last post--I have had random and occasional blogworthy thoughts along with the best of intentions to post them. I considered giving updates on my class & the teaching of Herland, but it was all I could do to actually follow through with the teaching, so I didn't really feel like writing about it. Last week was the kind of week--with the kind of weather--that just saps one's energy completely (even if one does not happen to be pregnant!). Towards the end of the week, the weather improved with a couple of days of torrential downpour in the afternoon (yay!), but the week passed, as a whole, in a blur. Some of the other posts I considered were my "patriarchy is a myth" post, my "to father" (in colloquial usage) is different from "to mother" post, my "how my childhood influenced my concept of fatherhood and why I could never conceptualize 'God the Father' as approachable " post and my "thinking about Catholic sex but I don't want to say too much here because I've said too much elsewhere" post. But alas! these posts were left unwritten. The recent eBay purchases post may yet be forthcoming!

My weekend was not a weekend to promote rest and get (academic) things accomplished. On a whim, we went to an outlet mall about an hour away, in the midst of a large power outage and through lovely driving weather--rain, hail... We bought my daughter some knit dresses and a pair of sporty sandals that she loves, although I intended them for occasional casual wear. After avoiding dresses for a good while, I have wanted to dress her in them almost exclusively--they're so easy!!! Nice and soft, too. And since she's showing potty training inclinations, they work well for those purposes also. I also bought 2 newborn all-in-one sleep-and-play suits that were very cute and only $5. A few says before, I found Timberland sock-booties in a 2-pack of pink & brown at TJMaxx. They will likely be our only newborn clothing purchases, unless we buy matching sister outfits!

On Sunday, I followed through with a resolution to purge my closets of the boy-specific clothing that I have been keeping for 10 years or so (some not so long). It was one of the justifications for learning whether we were having a boy or a girl. I now know that it will be many years before I could even possibly have a boy to fit size 4s.

Now, my husband & I are rather fond of clothing--a fact that has not been healthy for the preservation of storage space. This shrinking space problem has been exacerbated by, among other things, the need to retain things lent to us--things that will never be recalled, but must be kept. We are also tormented by our tendencies to gain (and sometimes lose, but mostly gain) weight, and yet to hope that "some day" we will fit into that one piece of clothing--or 5--or 10--that we loved so much (and that is likely so out of style that we wouldn't wear it anyway. . . I have tried to get better about this, but yesterday was not a day for sorting adult clothes. I do that regularly anyway.

Recently, it has been difficult locating possible hand-me-downs that would fit my daughter because of the way things were organized--or not--and how things were given to us in jumbles. So in the process of purging, I consolidated. I realized that I have two large Rubbermaids (not the largest, but 10 gallon or so) of "keepsakes"--mine and others'. I have an entire 10 gallon container full of girl-appropriate (though not necessarily girl-specific) clothes in 0-3 and 3-6 months. How wonderful is that!!?! I did not realize we had accumulated so much with our daughter. *blush* We have another container almost full of 6-9 and 6-12 month girl clothes. I also managed to uncover several t-shirts that she can fit now, and 3 pair of shortalls (and some possible non-knit dresses, mostly hand made so I can't tell sizes).

Now with a new baby, it is always tempting to buy new clothes "just because." The appeal of the "new" can be very powerful, and we can justify to ourselves by saying that the baby, who is a separate individual (but doesn't know the difference if she is wearing her sisters' clothes!!) deserves things of "her own," but I hope not to get sucked into that materialistic line of thought. Perhaps I will finish some of the outfits I started to sew for my daugther . . or at least make some of the things for which I bought fabric and patterns, but which my daughter outgrew before I could make them. (It's never fun to finish something old & half-stared!) In spite of the urge to have "new things" for the "new baby," I find myself so excited by the prospect that some of my favorite of my little girl's outfits, still in excellent condition, will be worn by a new little girl, that I do not know if I will have the urge to buy more. And how wonderful that the baby will be close to--if not exactly--the same clothing size during the same season, since their due dates will only have been 3 days apart or so! (Though my daughter was born 3 weeks early.)

And a similarly pleasing thought is the thought that my friends' little boys will be able to wear some of the very nice boy clothes that I kept after my son outgrew them. I have purged the boy clothes before, so only the very best things are left, and barring a few sentimental items, I have separated them into three piles--for a friend with an infant, one with a 5-year-old, and one to give to the St. Vincent de Paul society. It made me feel very fortunate, in spite of the memory of our financial struggles, to have so much beautiful clothes that were worn by my children. Of course, most of it was bought on sale or from outlets or discount stores, but there's no shame in that, only prudence!!

In the past, we likely would have brought the clothes that could not fit friends' children (or, well, all of the clothes, because we had no friends with children) to resale stores, hoping for a return (however small) on our investment. The thought did cross my mind once or twice--that the resale shops would indeed buy some of the items. But I banished that as a selfish thought. After all, these were things for which I didn't ever expect to get money back. They served their purpose and I have no further purpose for them now--or for years to come. So why should I expect to make what at this point would amount to a profit, since the items were paid long ago? We do not have much that we can give to charitable organizations. I admit that our contributions to the parish we attend are relatively low, though they do fluctuate. However, we have been making an effort to give to St. Vincent de Paul, and we contributed quite a bit to the recent parish garage sale, which raised $10,000+!! In particular, I like to give the things that could be sold--in keeping with my opinion that those who cannot afford more expensive clothing still deserve good quality things of which they can be proud. And even if wealthier bargain hunters shop at the St. Vincent de Paul stores, the profits will go toward helping families--I know this first hand, as someone close to me recently received a utility payment from St. Vincent's. Also, there is the possibility that a family who receives clothing vouchers would be able to select some of the nicer things that we will be donating. I would like to think that someone will have nicer back-to-school clothes in the fall than otherwise. I hope it is not an act of pride to write this--how does one separate happiness at giving in a small way from pride, exactly? It doesn't feel like a sinful impulse.

Similarly, I do wonder about the tax write off for charitable donations. That it should serve as an incentive seems wrong. I hesitate to make the ladies at the St. Vincent store give a receipt, since it seems like a hassle for them, I hesitate to put monetary value to the things I am giving, as their value is no longer monetary for me, they were paid for before the current tax year, and we don't have enough money to itemize anyway. Perhaps again, it is a matter of pride, but for the giving of "things," the incentive seems unnecessary.

Moving Woes -or- The Tyranny of "Stuff"

Recently, I was corrected in my meandering suppositions about the parable of the Rich Young Man who is unable to follow Jesus because he can't leave his "stuff," not because he has familial obligations. Oh well. I don't really come from the school of "anything goes" biblical interpretation--or literary interpretation for that matter. Well, after moving to an apartment from a house, taking a severe cut in square footage, and losing a bedroom and a sun-room, I understand the tyranny of stuff and how free one must really be without possessions, or with possessions that one can merely walk away from. I am not rich--not by any means, as I've made clear in previous posts. In fact, in addition to losing space, our rent is increasing astronomically, though it may even out since I won't be paying tuition fro my son, won't be paying for cable or satellite, won't be paying for water, and should be paying less for electricity. We'll see how that works out in reality. Yes, I found myself thinking how wonderful it must be for all of one's possessions to fit into a grocery basket (cart)--I'm ready for the hermitage now!! In the process of moving, we have given many things away to charity and to the recent parish garage sale, as well as to family and friends and anyone who happens to come by before the trash collectors. And yet, so much remains that it is stacked around the living and dining areas and I have no idea how we will fit everything. Much of it is books, but there is also a lot of miscellaneous crap that begs to be kept for one reason or another. It won't let itself be discarded. So the apartment that was to afford my daughter some freedom is so crammed full of "stuff" that she can barely move (although this has resulted in her slowing her gait by about half--at least in some of the rooms) or she is constantly being told "no" because she wants to explore everything.

The expense associated with moving is astronomical--and not just the ill-fated UHaul that had to be kept two days, or a day and half, as we were told to return it ASAP (so we could be charged as if we had kept it a few 2-days! $19.99 rentals--humph! Don't believe it). We have not yet found the kitchen to be able to cook, though thankfully my mother cleaned out my refrigerator and freezer and cooked much of the edible food for all to share. That was wonderful. As was the unexpected help we received. We never could have been out otherwise-oh wait, we're still not completely out. :P But we're mostly out, and I guess that is something. Still, this whole process has been very discouraging. I keep reminding myself of the good that will come out of it--much of which is still mainly speculation.

As for the apartment, it is sufficiently clean for move-in, which is unusual. We have already had the washing machine switched for another one, only to find that the dryer only dries after 2-4 cycles. All of the closets and cabinets are built for giants--not people who are 5'4" and 5'6". The possibilities of my son being able to put away the dishes are slim. And he will never be able to play with his toys. They are too high. He wasn't inclined to play with them previously because his room was too far away from where we would normally "hang out" in the house. But had we moved him to the front bedroom, he would have been uncomfortably far away from us at night. So I was looking forward to the kids' room being a functional play room, but that won't really happen. Then there are the issues of space. We have had--and particularly at the last place where we lived--a lot of storage space in previous places. Enough space to justify not only the acquisition of stuff but also the retention of boxes in which stuff was packaged when purchased. Many of the boxes have now been purged, but the stuff remains. And as in one of the cities in Calvino's Invisible Cities, the stuff threatens to crush the inhabitants.

I have not had much time to obsess about baby stuff--and so, I have not been very worried. I had a doctor's appointment in the midst of last week's madness, and everything looked and sounded fine. No measurements, though. I like my doctor, and think I will not return to the retired army nurse midwife, who feels compelled to tell me to watch my weight as the doctor does not.

Teaching is going surprisingly well, in spite of a chaotic life and numerous setbacks--lacking computer access in the classroom the first and third days, missing day 2 because of exhaustion, lacking internet connectivity at home (another perk of the complex) until Thursday evening, being moved from my "home" building to another and having to walk and climb many stairs, not having, and then buying and forgetting, dry erase markers and so having to "wing it" without them. . . I told my class that eventually the little black rain cloud that is following me will lift or dissipate--and I like rain. But the class is very, very small--possibly as few as 9 students. The subject matter is enjoyable, and so far we have compared and discussed various definitions of fantasy and begun to discuss poetry, and I do love teaching poetry--particularly when the students are open-minded and even willing to tackle scansion!! So I have an exhilarating but exhausting hour and thirty-five minutes each day. Which means I am not unpacking while my baby is napping. *sigh* This is truly a nightmare. The good is good, but inconvenient.

Well, as I need to get up in the morning, bring my husband to work, and bring my son to Enrichment Summer School (what was I thinking??!?), and as it is 2 A.M., I will wrap up this negativity-fest. Hope to have something more thoughtful soon, but it's difficult to be philosophic in the midst of this stress, busyness and clutter. I have posted something thoughtful to the class, and my efforts there may sap my creativity for now. Ironically (or perhaps appropriately), now that I can't enjoy it, my energy level seems to be up--one of the things in all of this for which I am very, very thankful.

P.S.--I did forget to mention the frustration inherent in not being able to lift heavy boxes. So they're stacked halfway to the ceiling, and I can't move them around without someone else's assistance!! Arrrrgh!