I found out yesterday that because one of the goals for the department is to lower writing courses (Intro to Lit included) to only 21 students, and because this involves making sure all open sections are as full as possible, my course has been canceled. Instead of teaching, I was offered a position working in an administrative office with revisions to Intro to Lit. Yay!! Not only do I enjoy the course design aspect of teaching, I will be able to do most of my work from home (a mixed blessing, but more good than not), with as little as 2 hours/week in the office.
I'm not very good at waxing poetic about blessings and answered prayers, mainly because I've always kind of felt that it was arrogant to suggest that something happened as a result of prayer. Some people do manage to make it a matter of arrogance; they were just so darned holy that everything they asked for--the promotion, the new car, the great sale on designer shoes--was provided by God specifically for them. I met a lot of these people at various churches I attended when I was young, and it left a bad impression. I developed the idea that humility (though I didn't have a name for it) involved thinking oneself too small to merit such favors. I wasn't thinking about that one lost sheep, I guess. That insecurity of faith (which I guess is the best way to characterize it) is a hard habit to break. I also don't want to fall into what I still see is a kind of arrogance. And yet I can't deny that this is an answer to my prayers of late. I just didn't know how I was going to make it work--the teaching, the family. . . My prayers have been of the "You have given me my family, and allowed me to pursue this career. Show me what you have in store for me--how I am to make this work, or what my alternatives are. . ." variety. Well, this certainly feels like an answer to that. At times, as well, my prayers have focused more specifically on what next semester would hold. This is a subtle reminder for me to trust in God, a topic I have been reading about on Et-Tu, Jen? She speaks directly to my persistent anxiety.
What I wonder is, after being in the habit of relying solely on oneself for so long, how even to contemplate turning it all over to God. Though I called myself a Christian (of sorts) for most of my life, this was a concept that was alien to me. Now I find I am called to that kind of trust. I think this is more characteristically Catholic than Protestant, especially as family is concerned (though not exclusively). I sense a long journey ahead, but lessons like this one certainly ease the way!
8 comments:
Wow. Great news. Definitely sounds like an answer to prayer to me.
One thought (I can't remember where I heard this little nugget, but it stuck with me): True humility is knowing your true place. That means not exalting oneself above one's station; but also not belittling oneself below it. Rather, humility calls us to understand where we stand in relation to God and to others and to live accordingly.
I really like that definition of humility, Melanie. I have also heard, "living your live without comparison." Anyway, I am so profoundly happy for you, Literacy-Chic as I know this is what you were praying for.
In regards to prayer, what are your thoughts on the idea that God answers prayers through divinely inspiring others to recognize a need and respond accordingly. Therefore, we are always answering others' prayers, through God's good grace.
Sorry for the poor grammar/spelling on that last comment. I have found it difficult to write properly when there is an infant in your lap trying desparately to bang on the computer key board. :)
-LilyBug (C)
That is such great news. I'm so glad that you've prayed about it and were willing to accept whatever challenges you had to face and God paved the way--at least it certainly seems that way! I share your concerns about attributing these things to God because that can also lend itself to "God didn't provide..."
I am so glad this has turned out so well for you and the wee babes!
Congrats! It sounds wonderful to be able to work from home so much, though I suppose the "mixed blessing" part is whether you'll be able to work with that sweet baby looking up at you. :)
Remember: "Ask and you shall receive"!
One other thought about attributing good things to God: It is never presumption to give glory to God for the good things we have in life.
All good things come from God, so I can't see how it is ever amiss to thank him for his blessings, especially when they are things we've been praying for. God is good and we shouldn't be shy about praising his goodness.
Of course, we can also praise him when we don't get what we ask for. As Job says: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.
I'm ready to turn in grades, so I can respond to some comments!
Good thoughts, Melanie. Thanks! I also liked the definition of humility. Definitely worth remembering!
Lilybug--I definitely thing that God answers prayers through inspiring others. But who's to say that our request was the one that set everything in motion? This is when our own finite imaginations can't comprehend the simultaneity with which God orchestrates the universe. There is a really pretty blasphemous episode of Futurama that nevertheless portrays "God" making an interesting point about answering prayers: If you do it right, no one will be certain that you've done anything at all. And really, I do think that's how God works in most of our lives. I actually tend to be most skeptical of accounts of answered prayers that seem too sudden or perfect. But that's the cynic in me, I guess. :P
Thanks for the thoughts, Entropy. My prayers tend to look very different from what my blog entries indicate! Not that I'm a different person than what I seem to be here; it's just that this is only one side of me. Or, well, many sides of me, but only part of my personality!
Mrs. D-- It is a "mixed blessing" because, yes, I will have days when I want to nothing more than play with babies! Or days when the babies take up all the time (as babies tend to do!). ;) But I also have a real procrastination problem that actually having to have something done for a class (for example) alleviates. Also, I tend to be stimulated by more contact with other people (students count). The weekly meetings should take care of both of those things!
I somehow missed this post the first time around. Congratulations, and thanks for the link! Isn't it amazing how freeing it is to just totally trust in God?
Post a Comment