Thursday, August 14, 2008
What to Blog?
Okay, I'm having a blogging lapse. The world isn't presenting itself in bloggable chunks. And I've started worrying about my audience and my blogging persona. I feel like the persona I present is so fragmented that I just don't seem like one person, and I'm not sure that the part of me I'm representing at any given time is really worth representing. I mean, why am I so darned grumpy all of the time? It's not hormones any more. Those are feeling better than they have in years. When I have any "IDEAS," they are fleeting and usually occur in the car or bathtub and by the time I'm by the computer they just don't seem worth the effort to write down. I could blog about the job search, but who really cares about those anxieties? I don't even care much about them. They just surface and are replaced by more immediate concerns. And when I try to write critical observations about how I fit (or don't) in my discipline, I get in trouble for it, and really, tongue-in-cheek and hyperbole don't play well in blogs, and I really like tongue-in-cheek and hyperbole. I've got a family blog where I could write about family stuff, only I don't because it takes a huge time commitment to upload photos. I have a book blog where I'm supposed to be writing about things I'm reading, only I'm not reading much. I've missed the last two Saturdays of research in the sci fi archives because of toddler illness and a graduation celebration, and all of the Saturdays' worth of research I haven't blogged about is stale and it's hard to muster up the energy to blog about them. Classes have ended for now, so that's out. Spiritual stuff occurs to me sometimes, but I'm in such a serious dry spell that it's difficult to get really excited about anything theological right now. I feel like such a bad Catholic. A LOSER Convert. So when I think, "Oh, I'll post about the homily," I just feel like a phony. More often, however, I think about posting things about our new associate pastor, who seems to have some mental block against all things Trinitarian. 'Cause if there's anything to be said or done in threes, he messes it up. Case in point: "Through Him, With Him." The next Mass?: "Through Him, In Him." Also, "Christ have Mercy. Lord Have Mercy." Looooooooong pause. About the time he remembers that something is missing, the choir starts in. Nice guy, but with serious stage fright, it seems. Is that really something I should be blogging about? Probably not. I could blog about NFP, but I don't wanna. There's some family stuff going on--extended family stuff that's really uncomfortable & messy to deal with, but why would I want to subject everyone else to that? I'm uncomfortable as it is about giving everyone the impression that I'm, well, as crotchety as I probably am. So I remain quiet. Or post about what not to post.
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6 comments:
I think any of those things would be interesting to read about.
I agree with Kate; all of these possibilities sounds interesting. However, I also understand about the amount of energy it takes to blog about these kinds of topics that you might decide you want to utilize elsewhere. I have tried blogs of several kinds only to lose interest in them. I just don't feel I have anything interesting to say...not that I'm not interesting...I just don't want to bother writing the sentiments down. It also sounds like you are in a rut which can definitely affect the desire to write.
But, I did want to say this...you are NOT a loser convert and you are not a bad Catholic. Spiritual dry spells are common and it does not mean that you are any less faithful or hope-filled. It just means you're in a slump. It's actually not uncommon during this long period of ordinary time. Advent is a-comin'; it might give you the boost you need to rejunivate that Catholic spirit and, if not, there's always Christmas and Easter.
I heard a wonderful homily, today, (partly because Lily stayed home with my mom) about Catholicism being an act of faith - more than a feeling if you will. And he also said that being a Catholic is difficult because it is not meant to entertain and it is not meant for the self. It's about self-sacrifice and action. I found it to be quite comforting for me at this time; maybe you can do something with that too. Know, too, that you are a wonderful Catholic.
-LilyBug
I do take great comfort in knowing that faith is, or can be, a series of actions. I would take issue with it not being for the self, but only to say that the self-sacrifice and acts of faith (or faith-based actions) *are* for the self, insofar as in serving others we are moving ourselves closer to God, even when it doesn't *feel* like we are. I probably should not feel so discouraged, but rather, I should remember that I did not first have a spiritual conversion, but rather, an intellectual conversion. The intellectual reasons are still there, but I was so surprised by the spiritual aspects, especially having rejected spirituality as hokey and phoney (from my experiences in "touchy feely" churches) that it was something I treasured and desperately wanted to hang on to. Perhaps I need to examine that desire. Thanks, Lilybug, that is a help! And thanks, Kate, for your supportive words! :)
Ah, it's just August. EVERYWHERE. So plug on along and soon enough it will be (sigh of relief) September. :)
Oh, it is SOOOOOO August! I had never thought about it before, but you're right!! :)
Yeah, at first it sounds like an excuse, I know. But we have been saying it for at least a week. It all started when my MIL said it to me, right before she packed me out the door last week to Adoration. "It's just AUGUST!" she declared, as though there were smelly socks under her nose. And off I went to pray. Just today, the good Padre and Boss Man himself said that phrase, though with different toning (which makes for an interesting unrelated discussion).
So.
It's just AUGUST.
Peee-yoooouuuu-eeee.
Sending you hugs and prayers!
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