Okay, so the baby (the Chic-lette, as she has been named courtesy of Mrs. Darwin!) is not even 2 weeks old, and I already have a professional dilemma of sorts. I asked my adviser for his advice, but he is, admittedly, male, and didn't feel qualified to answer this one!! (Although he did say that he would have no problem personally with the situation I described.) On Thursday, there is a colloquium I would like to attend sponsored by the university's humanities center. A fellow-graduate student is presenting a paper on D. H. Lawrence, whom I am working on right now (trying to wrap up that pesky chapter). Actually, I think attending might jump-start my attempt to finish (if one can jump-start a wrap-up). My problem? Very small baby (well, no--very young baby!), exclusively breast fed. First issue--she is very young. I have doubts about whether I should have her out & about, but she would be kept very close to me and I'm about to lose my mind staying home most of the time. Every day or every other day I have to get out--usually just a quick ride in the car (with the baby), but it helps. So this actually sounds more attractive than it might otherwise! Second problem--silly as it sounds, I don't want to draw too much attention to myself (and my baby) or to seem like I'm trying to draw attention to myself. I'm imagining people thinking that I want people to ooh and aah over the baby, when in fact, my attitude toward such things is more the "No thank you, please don't breathe on my baby" attitude. Third--and the biggest--issue (I won't say problem) is the breastfeeding issue. The department is currently filled with swarms of mothers who do or have breastfed. Even so, there are a number of different attitudes present about the correct time & place to do such things. Many of the other grad student mothers also have alternated with bottles of breast milk or formula, which, even if I decided to do at some point, I would not do so early. The grad coordinator, who possesses a different generation's feminist notion of the place of children in one's professional life, made a comment once in a class about the scandal of a prominent scholar breastfeeding at the large national conference. In that case, it was recognized as an attempt to draw attention to herself. In my case, it would not be, but it might be interpreted as such. While generally I scorn those who are offended by breastfeeding in public, I feel a bit different about professional situations. This might be because I hate professional situations. In general, I actively seek to avoid them. Usually, if people I know are involved, I don't mind as much, but in this case, I feel awkward precisely because there are people I know involved. I don't particularly want to be sneered at with my baby for violating professional decorum. And at the same time I hate feeling hesitant. I don't like playing the game, really. Especially when I don't agree with what passes for "rules."
UPDATE: Well, I just learned that the scadalous example of breastfeeding at the national conference "featured black fishnet stockings, a black letter (maybe leather?) bustier, and a male attendent" and was not "run of the mill breastfeeding." Ha!! I am much amused.
7 comments:
First of all, who the hell cares if people think you're trying to get attention? Second, maybe you could just sit in a back row--I have a "hooter hider" that you're welcome to borrow :)
Well, actually, I care, because I'm not like that. But I see your point. I just get really insecure about professional/social situations, although I think I ted to handle them well in general. Thanks for the offer of the "hooter hider"! I do have one that I made for myself to replace one that I, well, lost you might say... So I will bring it along!
Have you got a sling? That's about the most inconspicuous a young baby can get - not that no one can tell you've got a baby, but no one can tell whether baby is sleeping or awake, whether the baby is nursing or not...I've found that it increases baby's personal space immensely. (People are a little shyer about getting that close to peek in the sling, vs lifting a blanket on a carrier). Plus, if the chic-lette likes swaddling/slings, it'll keep her happy and quiet. Plus, it's a nursing cover up.
In the end though...there'll be a ton of people there, and none of them are coming to gawk at you. As long as you're not going out of your way to be distracting, most of them probably won't give you more than a passing thought. And the ones that notice, and are bothered by it...well, they need some food for thought if they think nursing and studying are exclusive properties.
My 2 cents. :-) Let us know how it goes!
Well, I just learned that the scadalous example of breastfeeding at the national conference "featured black fishnet stockings, a black letter (maybe leather?) bustier, and a male attendent" and was not "run of the mill breastfeeding." Ha!! I am much amused.
A letter bustier? Who was the letter to and what did it say?
And was it the male attendant who was nursing, or someone else?
Okay, I think I've successfuly debased the tone. Better go!
Darwin,
I cut & pasted that bit from an email sent to me, and then realized the typo... BTW--I think that part was already pretty debased, no? ;)
Kate,
I do have a sling (a ring sling), but I've only tried it once & feel a little odd about how the baby is smooshed. Also, maneuverability concerns me. It's a ring sling, and getting her in & out looks like it might be a challenge. I should practice! I was contemplating using the sling to take her to Mass on Sunday. I admit that the appeal of a sling is just that: baby is relatively hidden, not exposed like in a carseat!
I totally understand about the professional insecurity. I'm the same way. But I still think you should go for it.
re the sling: The funny thing I've noticed about babies in slings (other people's babies, I never used one with Bella, though I hope to get one for the new baby) is that while the baby always looks uncomfortably smooshed to me, she is usually quite happily asleep as well, with a blissed out look on her face. And if you think a sling is uncomfortably smooshy, just think about what the womb must be like in the ninth month. I think it might actually be part of the appeal as far as the baby is concerned.
You should go for it!
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